Just a little bit

I feel lately like I'm on the verge of a breakthrough. Not a breakdown. BREAKTHROUGH. I've really been trying to say prayers morning and night and read my scriptures regularly and it seems like the world makes more sense. Or maybe it's just me making more sense... Funny how when you do what you've always been taught will HELP you, it actually works. Maybe there's something to this. :>
I've also been focusing on the topic of unity. Unity in my little family, extended family, ward family, etc. I really enjoyed President Eyring's talk this past conference on unity. Especially the part about not speaking poorly of others. That's something that I haven't been great at in the past. He suggests to look for what is best in people's performance and character and focus on that rather than being critical. If we all tried to do this the world would be such a better place to live. Our world tends to focus on the worst things-the disasters, divorces, and calamaties rather than on the positive aspects of life. If 50% of marriages end in divorce that means that 50% don't.
I remember last year when my skin had really broken out for months on end and I was quite self conscious about it. I was telling my sister-in-law and she said "Nobody cares but you". Not that they don't care about me, but that even if they notice it they're not all of a sudden going to think badly of me. You may notice that 5 pound gain on the scale but no one else does. Or if they do-they just don't care. They really have more going on in their lives than to worry about you. And if they don't-they should ;> So my challenge to those of you in bloggerland is to focus on the positive about people this next week. If someone is speaking negatively-change the subject. You get the picture. UNITY.Then blog about your experiences-either here or on your own blog. It is CHRISTmas after all.
I said to Josh " When you cover up the mas in Christmas then you get Christ because Christmas is about the birth of Jesus Christ." He says " What about when you cover the t too?" So much for that lesson.
2 thoughts to end:

• Be a little kinder than necessary for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
  

• Remember that everyone you know loves something, is afraid of something, and has lost something.

A Caitalyst-if you will

The funny thing about having kids is the relationship you had with your husband before kids is never the same one once little ones enter the picture. It's not worse-just different. Ever since Caitlyn joined our family we have formed a tighter family unit. She was born at the perfect time in our lives. Now, I don't remember the last time I was alone with my husband outside our house but the fact that the man will go to the library with me and the kids speaks volumes to me. And the fact that Joe-yes Joe-will come home from the library with Season 2 of Little House on the Prairie in hand and watch it with me on the couch speaks greater volumes. To others looking in it may seem like we don't have much, but to the girl sitting on the couch with her best friend, it is more than enough. I'd rather have a million little moments that mean so much than a few big ones. Though diamond earrings and a trip to Hawaii to go through the temple would be nice one day too.....;>

Tag!

5 Placed I've Lived

• Heaven
• Provo, UT
• My parents house
• The dungeon ( 3 years!)
• Summerland, B.C. (okay not yet but I will one day)

5 Snacks I love

• Hostess cupcakes
• Pickles and cheese
• Sour skittles
• Fresh fruit
• Cool ranch Doritos

5 Jobs I've Had

• Salesgirl at Below the Belt (Remember Barb?!?)
• Nanny
• Full time Mommy (also my current and favorite one)
• Dental Assistant
• Janitor ( in college)

If I had a million dollars I would.....

• Have as many kids as I physically could and then adopt a couple more-then hire a chef and cleaning lady...
• Take all my best girlfriends on a cruise and give them all a cruise clothing allowance before we went so they could feel their best
• Have a nightly massage before bed
• Have a REALLY COZY soundproof reading room with shelves and shelves of books in the massive mansion of a house I would need for all my kids. With a door that locks.
• Somehow anonymously get envelopes of cash/gift cards to the people in my life I know really need it whether friends, family, or ward members. Someone gave us a $100 Safeway gift card anonymously once when we were first married.

5 things I love

• Being organized
• Josh's imagination
• Caitlyn's chubby cheeks
• Joey's backrubs
• My mom's examples of unconditional love and the power of change

5 people who should do this tag...

• Alison (because you need to get your mind off real life)
• Julie ( because you need to think about something other than Gabby~J/K!)
• Heather (to see if you're as practical as you seem)
• Juliette (ditto above)
• Erin (since we don't write each other letters like we did when we were little girls ;>)

Fulfilled

I know I've mentioned this in blogs before but it's something that is a constant revalation to me in my life since I've been on maternity leave. Things that used to matter to me just don't anymore. Like if my hair is perfectly done or if my butt looks ok in what I'm wearing. I don't know if it's just because I don't have the time with 2 kids or that my attitude truly has shifted over the past 5 months. I have also been debt free and living within my means for the first time since 1996 ( Long time-Shocking-I know!!) This is also adding to the whole fulfillment issue. I don't feel the need to HAVE more but to DO more. I purged my closet of all the things I don't wear and find that I feel the need to take better care of the things that are left. The less I have to clutter my life and my home, the better. Suze Orman was on Oprah and she said Debt=clutter/chaos and Savings=Order/peace or something along those lines. That completely hit the mark in my life. It's like I'm finally getting the lesson I should have been learning all these years. It's GREAT!!!! I find such fulfillment in my role right now as a stay a home wife and mother that I"M NOT SEARCHING FOR IT IN HAVING STUFF. Amazing. Don't get me wrong. Things are great. But not when they're taking the place of the things you really want in life but can't or don't have at the time. I think we live in a world where people constantly do this. I can't spend lots of time with my kids so I'll just buy them a lot of stuff and that will fix my guilt and their neediness. Nope-doesn't work.

I really enjoyed this past General Conference as well. It left me feeling empowered as a woman in my life and home no matter what the situation. It seems like the message of unity in our wards and families was focused strongly on. The ward we are in is AMAZING. Our wonderful bishop has a knack for bringing people together. I really believe that as women, we are the keys to our families lasting in these difficult times and we HAVE to be the glue that sticks our families together. We need to be better than we've been. What worked 10 years ago won't work today as Satan has beefed up his game plan. We have to fortify our homes and be a source of strength and peace for our children. My paternal grandfather passed away recently and it really struck me how committed he was to living the gospel day to day and the righteous legacy he has left to his posterity. This October has really changed my outlook on the world. I think we all need that encouragement from time to time to keep us constantly committing to improving ourselves day to day. I had been stagnant for a long time and now I'm on fire again. It's nice to feel the burn!

Speaking of burning-I'm still trying to do Tiffany's challenge of losing 10 lbs by Christmas and did a full body workout at the gym on Saturday. OUCH. Not Biggest Loser worthy but I did push myself harder than I had lately and it showed in the sore muscles the next day. Funny that I didn't think I was in shape until I wasn't. Isn't that just how it goes. Here's to dropping a few more pounds in November.

Halloween was a blast this year. It was one of my top 10 best days so far for our little family. Joey even dressed up as a vampire as he'd dropped the ball last year for Halloween and was trying hard to make up for it this year. He completely succeeded. (Like he needed to look more intimidating than he already does-there were a few freaked out little kids in the neighborhood.) It's Josh's favorite holiday and he got to dress up as a witch which he's been talking about for months now. I gutted my first pumpkin this year and Joey gave it a scary face which thrilled Josh. Caitlyn was blissfully ignorant of the whole proceedings which will not be the case next year. That Halloween candy lying around isn't helping mommy here with the weight loss. Do any of you mom's out there NOT eat your kids candy? And how do you avoid the temptation???? Do tell.

Thanks to all you who share in our triumphs and defeats and constantly support us along the way. We could navigate our way without you...but it wouldn't be the same. :>

3rd time's a charm or 3 strikes you're out?

My 3 Joys

• My family


• The gospel


• Good books

My 3 Fears

• Having to go back to work outside the home because I have to not because I want to


• Not making it to the celestial kingdom with my husband


• Sharks ( I had to get away from all the serious stuff!) We watched all the Jaws movies growing up and even when I jump into the deep end of the pool I get freaked out

My 3 Current Obsessions

• What Not To Wear-Seriously. Cracks. Me. Up. Though some days if they captured me on a secret video I would look worse then their candidates.


• Finding things to stick in my Magic Bullet


• Trying to get more than 4 hours of sleep at a time

My 3 Surprising Facts

• I LOVE to do laundry. I am the QUEEN of laundry(I need to be the queen of something.) Not enough to come to your house and do your dirty clothes so don't ask


• I want to retire in an old cottage by a lake with chipped dishes and comfy quilts and an endless supply of books. Not sure where my husband factors in to this whole scenario.


• I love to be near oceans and lakes-they calm me. Why I live in Calgary I don't know.

Beautiful Blessing Day

Here is our sweet baby girl on her blessing day. She was blessed on Sunday, September 21 by her grandfather Graham Bourne. We were lucky to have many family members and friends in attendance and I was lucky to not be too sleep deprived to enjoy the day. I was up til 1:30 am the night before organizing our house which was ironic as the luncheon we had was at my in-laws. I just felt that the more organized we were, the more I'd be able to enjoy the day. I was right. We were early for church and I didn't feel too rushed. Here is some of what was said:

• -You have chosen to come to earth at this time as one of the elect daughters of your Heavenly Father
  
• We bless you to grow in strength and understanding of the gospel.
• We bless you to be a light unto the world and a light unto those you meet as you share your understanding of your Heavenly Father
  
• Listen to your parents and those who love you (I'll remind her of this one frequently)
  

Here's one of the better pics of our family-Josh was ready to be done with pics at this point. I hadn't slept for 2 days when he was blessed so I was grateful that was NOT the case this time around. Caitlyn continues to be an angel~let's hope the trend continues for many years to come...One of my favorite things is to have all my family gathered together and I had the best day. Thanks to everyone that came to support our family on this special day.

4 Generations or Caitlyn does the hula

Great Grandparents

Auntie Launey and Caitlyn

Josh really got a kick out of "Uncle" Mike that day. Mike is really great with keeping kids entertained and they were having a fun time playing around. Tammy and Ashley are in the background. We were thrilled their family was able to attend last minute and I really miss hanging out with them. It's so much harder to get together when you have kids.

I attended my first Shade clothing party at my good friend Wendy's home a few weeks ago. Yet another person I don't see enough of. I really loved the clothes-not sure why I haven't ordered Shade before now. Probably because I don't buy things off the Internet. Literally never have. I can't wait for my order to arrive. Happy post baby bump shopping to me. Now if only I could find some pants....

We attended the Calgary Corn Maze this past Saturday and though it was FREEZING out-we all had a great time. It was their first year and I was quite impressed with everything they had set up. Unfortunately the corn wasn't as high as it had been due to an early frost combined with a windy day that snapped a lot of it off. It was actually nicer to be able to see over the corn-not so freaky Children of the Corn feeling. Josh had the most fun out of our family for sure as you can see below.

Last but not least-Caitlyn turned 3 months old today. She continues to bless our lives with joy and I finally got her to belly laugh just for me in the mirror today. Usually she's laughing at her brother. I love this time in my life to be home with my family and it's really amazing to finally feel like I'm living the life I was meant to live, not the one I have to.

We're obviously going to have to work on the hairstlying and camera angles-LOL :>

Heartbroken

These are my 2 beautiful children at their very best. Laying still and being quiet. So why am I heartbroken? Because this week when they were just kids being kids-well mostly Josh being Josh-I did A LOT of yelling and time out threatening. A lot. I let my frustration at things not having to do with the kids and my self imposed sleep deprivation get the best of me. So tonight after the amazing Relief Society broadcast I came home and just cried at how I'd been treating them-well-mostly Josh. You think when you have kids that you'll always be SO patient and kind and Christ-like and then feel like such a complete failure as a mother when you're not. So I got down on my knees and asked my Father's forgiveness. Then I went and knelt down by my son's bed and quietly asked his while he slept. And it's not that I haven't apologized to him numerous times this week after I've yelled. But really. Does that make much difference after the fact when I continue to behave the same way. Isn't there a little thing called restitution? I know what you are all going to post-that we all have our days and no one is perfect and I get that. But I'm still the adult and the ONE place that my children NEED to feel that they can always be safe should be our home no matter what else is swirling in the air around us. So I am recommitting to being patient and loving and what I need from you in bloggerville is ways that you deal with your children when you are tired and frustrated. I'm finding it challenging to balance Josh's need for my time with the pile of things I need to get done in a day. Please leave me your ideas and say a little prayer for me that I can continue to improve in this area and not break their little hearts with my actions.

It doesn't get much better than this

Yikes! It's been a while since I posted but I have a new baby-I'm excused. Sooooo-updates from the last month.
My mother gave us a professional photo session with Julie Miller as a baby gift and I'm thrilled with how the pictures turned out. We had them done when Caitlyn was 3 1/2 weeks old and Julie was SO patient through the whole session. Especially since my daughter seemed to want to try to leave her mark all over Julie's home when we were trying to get her naked self immortalized. All's well that ends well. Luckily Julie's couch was leather.........

We have officially adjusted to being a family of 4 and having a girl in the house. She's not pulling too much attitude quite yet but she definately is a Daddy's girl already and I'm sure that I'll have to be the bad cop to his good cop for the rest of her life. Needless to say her wardrobe is twice the size of mine and twice as nice too. I think when a baby is born that it should be a rule that the mother should get an item of clothing every time the baby does. Because nothing fits me right now that isn't maternity or contains a LOT of Lycra or shows my baby fat rolls. Of course-I don't get out too much so it's sort of redundant.

I'm still in baby bliss with Caitlyn as she not only looks like an angel but acts like one too-she actually slept for 8 hours straight last night. It makes me want as many more kids as I can which is how they suck you in to having another one. LOL. For us that probably means one more but we'll see how we feel when she's doing more than laying there cooing at us with her big blue eyes. As you can tell from the picture to the left-her eyes aren't the only thing that are big. Our chubba bubba is just shy of 2 months old and she's 12 lbs 6 oz. Check out those cheeks.

Last week I took Josh and Caitlyn on their first bus ride to go visit with Aunt Patsy at the in-laws. I'm getting more adventurous as we are down to one car right now. Josh was thrilled to hop on the bus and every time someone pulled the wire to have the bus stop at the next stop he got really excited. He was a little confused at the lack of seat belts which also made me wonder why they figure we don't need to buckle up on public transportation. While we were there we decided to get a 4 generation picture with Great Grandma Bourne. It turned out pretty well considering it was a spur of the moment thing. I've really enjoyed visiting with Grandma Bourne and getting to know her better while she's been staying at Graham and Leah's.

I turned 33 today. Well-by the time this post is official it will be yesterday. My mom got me a Magic Bullet-let the blending begin!! And there are a dozen red roses on my kitchen table from the hubby. The best gift of today was that I got to spend my birthday at home with my 2 kids and not out at work. 9/11. Now that was a FUN birthday 7 years ago. However-it did make me realize that I was running out of play time and it was time to get off the fence for good and just go to church. I don't know why as humans we have to wait til tragedy strikes to wake us up and get us to do what we should have been doing all along. I also don't get why people get upset over getting older. I have enjoyed every one of my 33 years-some more than others-and I wouldn't want to go back to any of them to relive them. I'm an in the moment kind of girl. At least-I'm trying to be :> I feel so blessed to be where I am in my life and even though we've had some struggles this past year, it has made us bond as a family. I have so many wonderful friends and extended family to rely on when my trials are getting the best of me. I am definately learning patience and that sometimes it's ok to just let things work themselves out on the Lord's timeline. I hope this next year will be a CALM, boring one but none of the previous 33 have been.....

Here's Joshua on his first day of preschool this week. We have him going 2 days a week and he's attending with one of his best friends, Isabella, from his day home. It's just at the Temple community center and I love that I get to walk him over. Needless to say he's loving "school" and I'm really glad we decided at the last minute to enroll him. He's adjusted well to his little sister but I've been trying to emphasize the things he can do that she will have to wait a LONG time to do. I've been missing my one on one time with Josh and seeing this picture makes me realize how grown up he really is. He has elaborated on his standard 5 line prayers lately and we've been cracking up at some of the things he blesses.

Joe's been working long hours with a company named KWL

trucking doing dump truck work to pay the bills while he

continues to work on his solar street light business. I just hope that his business starts generating money before my mat leave ends so I can stay at home with my kids. I love creating my own schedule and not being ruled by my work schedule-it's SO liberating. I'm just trying to enjoy every day even if we're having a rough day-at least I get to be the one rocking my little one when she's fussy and playing Candyland with Josh (his latest obsession). Which is why it doesn't get much better than this ;>

I'm in love....with a girl

Well-she is my daughter so it's not sick and twisted. You just forget how in love you are with your newborn-it's nature's way of getting you through the sleep deprivation. I don't know if it's because I expected to not sleep a lot or if it's just that she's an easier baby but the second time around is SO MUCH BETTER for me. Probably helps that she's not a preemie, my delivery was easier, and she basically eats, sleeps and poops with minimal crying in between. That was definately NOT the case with Josh. I love her to pieces-even the smell of her. There have only been 2 times I've been slightly annoyed with her the past 3 weeks and they were both middle of the night cases where she just wouldn't latch-just kept bobbing her head around and I was like-get it done or just go back to sleep so I can sleep please. I just feel so blessed to get the opportunity to have another child. I love that the kids are 4 years apart so I don't have to chase after a toddler at the same time that I have a newborn. I really feel like I got to know Josh before Caitlyn came around and fully experienced each stage he was at. It's really great not having to go to work too. I much prefer this job-it's really rewarding though challenging at times. I think I could get really good at it if I could just work at it for 20 more years. ;>

One thing I DO notice with having a new baby around is I just cannot read or watch anything about child abuse or children dying as it just hurts my heart too much and makes me feel physically ill. I'm not usually too bad with stuff-I get that bad things happen in the world. But when you have this precious bundle cuddled up to you and mommy hormones buzzing-the stories are too hard to stomach. So I try to cuddle her a little longer because I can and because there are babies out there who don't get cuddled at all.

On another note-Josh is starting to calm down from the upstaging that his little sister has brought into his life. He had a MAJOR-can't talk because he's doing the chest heaving crying-meltdown the first night he was home after being at my Mom's for 4 days when Caitlyn was first born. Which is understandable as that was the longest he'd been away from us in his short life and he'd had my undivided attention the 5 weeks prior to Caitlyn's arrival. But still was hard to watch and he'd been so great up to that point that it baffled me slightly. Today we had time just to ourselves while Joey watched Caitlyn-Josh and I went to Prairie Winds park just the two of us. I really miss our time together and it was fun to spend time with him. Lately he's been saying "Oh thank you Mom" all dramatic like and it always makes me smile. We also went to the zoo as a family yesterday for Joe's birthday which was nice but HOT.

Tonight Alison and I escaped to Southcentre for a girls night shopping trip and then our usual dinner at Moxie's. So Caitlyn has been introduced to the mall at the tender age of 3 weeks. And so it begins....LOL. It was fun to look at the GIRL side of the stores-all that pink-it's a good thing I'm broke right now. I had such a great time and really wish Alison and I lived closer-we always have fun together and I love that she's always there for me. It's nice that some relationships are just easy.

2 things that are baffling to me lately. Music on blogs. Why? I just don't get it-I guess because with Josh around there's always so much noise that when I'm on the computer I just want quiet. But I get that it is your blog so you can put whatever you want on it-I just always go down and mute the music. Except for the classical stuff on Tiffany's blog-Yurima or something like that-LOVE IT. Very calming. But that's the only one. Word verification. Again-WHY? Trying to prove my typing skills are up to speed or just making sure it's not my 4 year old trying to post on your blog? Fill me in here people. Though I do get posts only being shown with blog owner approval especially after the anonymous fiasco. Drama drama.

Speaking of drama-I watched the first episode from the first season of Grey's Anatomy. It was fun to see how the character's have evolved since then. Lately I've been thinking of trying to go without TV for a month. Which has made me realize how much TV I actually watch even though I think it's a complete waste of time. And September will start new season's of my favorite shows.....so that idea has been shelved for now. I don't watch TONS of TV but I do like certain favorites that I'm not willing to miss out on. I'll set some other goals first. Maybe next summer I'll try the no TV thing when I don't have to sit in a fixed postion and nurse a child for 30-40 minutes.

Just to show you what we're mostly up to lately-here's a hint. :>

Caitlyn Evangeline Bourne

She's here! Here's the official story. Feel free to skip ahead if the whole birthing experience doesn't interest you.

My water broke Monday, July 14 at 8:45 in the morning. I wasn't quite sure that it was my water breaking but the reality of the situation hit after going through 3 pairs of garment bottoms while trying to lay back down in bed to go back to sleep. I called my Mom and Leah to say this COULD be it but I wasn't really sure. So I called my doctor as I wasn't feeling any contractions and they said I definately needed to go to the hospital to get checked. So I packed a bag for myself and for Josh as he was going to go stay at my Mom's. As I'm packing I start feeling slight cramping. Then it became more frequent. So of course I rationally did a load of laundry as those 3 pairs of garment bottoms meant I now had no clean ones. Pain getting progressively worse but still nothing serious. Nothing that stopped me from contemplating vaccuming the family room or tackling the dishes in the sink. However, I was having to stop and breathe every so often as the pain hit. So I showered and was drying my hair when my mom arrived around 11am with my cousin Daphne who was up this week visiting from Pensylvannia with her 4 kids. They asked how far apart my conractions were and I casually said about every 3-4 mintes. Daphne was freaking and saying that second baby's can come faster and how close is the hospital etc. I wasn't really concerned at this point so I went upstairs to finish drying my hair (because that will matter when I'm in the most extreme pain of my life) and when I came back down they'd put all Josh's stuff in mom's car including his car seat and Daphne made me promise to leave in the next 5 minutes. I'm still feeling pretty casual about the whole thing as we only live 5-10 minutes from the hospital. But then I went upstairs and threw up my breakfast and decided maybe we should get around to actually leaving.

So on the way to the hospital my pains are getting progressively worse and I can't really talk to Joe when they hit. We got to the hospital around 11:45ish and Joe dropped me off and went to park the car. There was a line to get in to triage and be assessed but as I was waiting and trying not to be too obvious about the pain I was in, I noticed that none of the other women waiting even seemed to be IN pain. Great. Now I feel conspicuous as I try to quietly breathe during my contrations. And slightly nauseous. I only had to wait about 20 minutes but it felt LONG. The nurse took me back to assess me and when she checked me I was dialated to a 6. What the heck? I thought the pain of a 6 would be WAY worse-at the most maybe I would be a 2 or 3. She seemed quite surprised too and said I was coping really well considering how far along I was.

They admitted me as an inpatient as Joe went to call Leah to tell her this was officially it and she'd better hurry. He called my mom instead and told her to call Leah (obviously I wasn't the only one not thinking rationally at this point)but mom was the one we decided to keep posted on how I was doing and if anyone wanted an update she was the one to call. They put me in a delivery room and then Leah arrived. Pain is getting progressively worse. Maybe at a 6 out of 10 and I'm having to REALLY concentrate on breathing through the contractions at this point. Joe decides he's hungry and goes to get something to eat around 1:30. I told the nurse I was thinking of trying to not have an epidural and she said that sounded like a good idea as I was still doing really well on my own. I asked the nurse about pain meds but she says morphine can make the baby not nurse well etc but she'd grab the laughing gas. I used it for 2 REALLY painful contractions that as I stood beside the bed I had to clutch the bed to get through them. I was starting to think that whole no epidural thing was a bad idea as even though I was clutching the mask to my face and sounding like Darth Vadar, it wasn't really even TOUCHING this pain. Felt dizzy and laid on the bed and then I was done. It hurt SO badly-I couldn't even really focus on anything but that stupid mask and breathing and moaning into it-so the nurse panicked slightly and said she needed to check me. Oh yes-fully dialated and at this point my body is just taking over and I'm starting to push while she frantically pages the doctor. Still no sign of Joe anywhere. From here on out it's slightly a blur to me but Leah was trying to dial Joe's cell phone and kept getting a busy signal ( hospital phone-no one told her she needed to dial 9 first) and finally says to hell with it-and they page him to labour and delivery. He is on his way back on the main floor, hears the page and just starts to run toward the elevators yelling "Hold the elevator" and some random guy yells down the hall"Hold the elevator!"-LOL. He comes into the room about 1:55 and I'm pushing for all I'm worth. Still in my own world of delirium at this point. I remember them telling me to hold behing my knees as I push and in my head I'm thinking-I'm trying to deliver a baby here people-maybe someone could HELP me and hold my knees for me?! Still feels slightly surreal that I've been at the hospital for 2 hours and I'm pushing this kid out. Her heart rate dropped to 30 and the doctor said if I didn't get her head out right away they would have to use the vaccum. 2 pushes later-boom-out comes the head but her shoulders are so broad that now I have to push those out too. Cut me some slack here kid. Leah said she thought it was for sure a boy when they said that. Nope-baby comes out at 2:03 and they say it's a girl. Euphoria. As SOON as she's out-pain stops. No word of a lie. Bit of freezing that I didn't feel at all-2 little stitches and done. Amazing. So in hindsight would I choose NO pain meds if I knew how much it would hurt-probably not-but considering the recovery after-I'd definately try without an epidural if we had another baby. I delivered an 8 lb 6 oz kid and only took Advil/Tylenol for the pain. Which I take if I have a headache. AMAZING. I have to toot my own horn on that one.

So she obviously has a full head of hair and looks a lot like her daddy. My mom has already said she's going to nickname her "LG" for Little Joe. I'm completely in love with her and she's been a really easy baby so far. It's been such a blast dressing her in cute pink clothes and she wore a little dress today for the first time. She's nursing well but she is jaundiced so we're at it every 2-3 hours the past 2 days which is surprisingly fine. I'll post more later as if I go to bed now I'll get an hour of sleep before her next feeding. Ah the life of the nursing mother of a newborn. Wouldn't change it for the world. The onesie she's wearing below says "little sister". Bow and blanket courtesy of Auntie Launey-thanks Auntie.

Slacking or sleep deprived???

Hopefully today wasn't a glimpse of things to come. I had basically no sleep last night for the 14th day in a row-no word of a lie-and so Josh spent most of the day in front of the TV except for the 45 minutes I kicked him out to the backyard to get devoured by mosquitos. I was just SO tired-I didn't want to deal with anything. HORRIBLE. He can quote scenes from Ghostbusters by heart. Sigh. This doesn't bode well for when there is a screaming infant around to add to the sleep deprivation. I don't know why my body won't just rest for longer than 1-3 hours. Actually I did get 4 hours in a row last night-from 1:30 to 5:30AM, then I was up til 7 and slept til 9. People keep saying my body is getting ready for the baby-what the heck-I still have 3 weeks to go? Or do I......?
Which brings me to the show I watched tonight. I'm trying to stay up as late as I can to see if it helps the whole sleeping longer thing. There was a show on called Baby Borrowers where teen couples who think they're ready to become parents move into homes for 3 days and watch other people's babies. One person out of the couple has to go to work and the other is home with the kid all day. They have professional nannies watching them in case of emergency but they're not allowed to help and the babies parents can monitor their child on cameras 24/7 and go into the home at any time if they feel it's necessary. HA! It made me realize that I'm a better parent than I thought-despite the mind numbing amount of TV/DVD's Josh watched today. Some of these teens started crumbing in the first 12 hours. Welcome to the real world honey. Yeah babies are cute and cuddly....til they're teething and it's 3 AM and you haven't slept for 2 nights. It made me feel so....SMUG. Though none of them sat the baby in front of the TV all day. Hmmmmmmm. At least I made dinner tonight-he ate well.
I've been off work for almost a month and it's kind of weird to not go to work. This is the longest I've had such minimal responsibility in 11 1/2 years-not having to go in to work yet not had to take care of an infant. I almost feel like I have to justify myself to people when they ask what I have planned for tomorrow and I say "Nothing". Not one thing. Maybe we'll go to the park/paint a picture/organize some more. It's funny how society is so go go go and if you're not you feel like you're not contributing your fair share. Again-I AM 9 months pregnant so I try to give myself a bit of leeway on this one. Plus this is the last time I'll be able to be selfish and do nothing for A LONG TIME. Once you've had one child you realize that life as you know it ends when there's an infant around. Not a bad thing-just a fact. Not something that can be fully explained to someone who doesn't have kids. I sound so negative about the whole infant thing-I'm not-I AM excited. However, I always say I'm an optimist but a realist. So though I'd like to think that this baby will be totally different from my experience with Josh and not scream for hours at a time, sleep through the night at 6 weeks and I'll be able to nurse them in bed I'm not holding my breath.
We'll definately go to the park tomorrow. Thank goodness we're not judged on one day of parenting. :>

Things I've noticed

It's now been 2 weeks since I've been off work and I've noticed a couple of things about myself. Some good, some bad.
1. When I have no solid time to get up in the morning, I have a much harder time winding down at night and getting into bed at a reasonable hour. Which means I'm generally not in bed before midnight. It's actually quite liberating. LOL.
2. It's infinately more pleasant to wake up to my son's smiling face beside my bed telling me it's time to get up than a blaring alarm clock-no matter what time that happens to be.
3. I'm more of a perfectionist than I thought I was. The longer I'm at home the more I realize that there are definately things I like done a certain way when it comes to the housework.
4. The more I'm home, the more I nag my husband. Poor guy.
5. I'm slightly laundry obsessed. Ok more than slightly.It's that instant gratification thing-what once was dirty is now clean and back where it belongs. If only life were so simple.
6. The amount of time it takes me to lose my temper with Josh is DIRECTLY related to the amount of sleep I have had. Period. For some reason I have not realized this concept til now.
7. More time home does not (unfortunately for my family) equal more home cooked meals. I just don't like to do it. If any of you want to swap home cooked meals for housework-let me know.
8. It's really nice not to deal with other people's crap all day and only have to worry about what goes on here. Quite selfish of me isn't it?
9. The more I'm around Josh the more I want to be around him and miss him when we're apart.
10. The same cannot be said for my husband.
11. The more time I have to do things, the less gets done. If you want something done, ask a busy person (and probably not one who is 8 months pregnant)
12. More available time doesn't mean I spend more time on my spiritual self-see #11
13. More available time also doesn't mean I'm any more on time for things than before (I know Mandy-I have NO excuses!!)
14. I spend more time blog hopping now than I ever did before~not sure why I care about some random stranger's pictures of their 2 year olds birthday. I think I need to buy a timer to go beside the computer and set some sort of limit to this
All in all, I realized I really do enjoy not working outside the home but sometimes miss the feeling of importance I got from being "SO" busy. I do like not having to hand Josh off to so many different people and just be able to take care of him myself. It's nice to focus on quality time with Josh before this baby makes an appearance. Only 2 things about pregancy are bothering my lately. 1.Trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in at night. I have never used this many pillows for sleeping in my life! 2. Acid reflux. Yuck. 1 month to go...

Last Day of Work

Friday, June 6th was my official last day of work. On Thursday, the girls booked fake patients for an hour so we could close down and celebrate with Thai food (thanks Boss!) and homemade strawberry cheesecake (Thanks Joi!!). The office also got me a $100 gift certificate for Riverside spa which I will make very good use of! I've been so lucky to work there for 11 1/2 years and I'll really miss some of our patients and the social interaction aspect of it. I definately WON'T miss getting up at 5 :45 am 3 days a week to get myself and Josh out the door, him at day home, and me at work by 7:30 am. In fact it was quite blissful to look at my alarm clock this morning at 7:15, smile, and proceed to go back to sleep til 9. Plus I'm still getting paid for this month as I had holidays saved up.
I took Josh to Prairie Winds park for 1 1/2 hrs this afternoon and it was so nice not to feel like we were rushed or have my mind racing about what we needed to get done. We just stayed til we were all played out. I took him to the bottle depot and he kept scrunching up his face and saying "It smells in here". Yeah-can you imagine working in that smell for 8 hours? As we got in the car I said-that's why you need to get an education so you have the option of NOT working in that smell. So I'm officially a stay at home Mom and now only have one job to contend with. We'll see how long it takes for the novelty to wear off-if it ever does.

Turning Point

Today is officially the most pregnant I have ever been. I'm not sure what to expect from here on out but people keep telling me that I'm just going to be getting bigger. Yeah-thanks for reminding me. Not sure how that is going to happen as the skin on my belly feels as stretched as it can be but there's no turning back now. Funny how when you're pregnant everyone is allowed to comment on your weight but how would someone feel if I walked up to them and said-Woah-you're so much bigger than the last time I saw you. LOL. At least I'm fat with purpose. It's slightly odd to that I don't really even care about the weight-it just means baby is growing like they're supposed to.

I'm SO excited to meet this new little person. I don't care if it's a boy or a girl-just the fact that we get to add another little one to our family. There was a time that I wasn't sure it would happen between all the drama of the past few years. It's feels sort of cavalier to say God has a plan but when that plan and my plan aren't meshing, it's hard to try to figure out exactly which curveball to dodge sometimes. And then my plan and his do mesh the very same month that I think-if I'm not pregnant this just isn't meant to be and we're going to stop trying. All signs point to this NOT being a great idea from every logical perspective. Luckily He anticipated this line of thinking and voila-positive sign on the test. Plus is there REALLY anything logical about having kids. Oh yes-please sign me up for gaining at least 30 pounds while being violently ill every other day, then going through the valley of death to take home a crying, pooping, demanding bundle to whom I am a slave to their every need. And that's just the beginning. And once you do it you'd never go back. In fact you volunteer to do it again-thank heaven for selective memory-labour wasn't really THAT bad, right?

Josh came early because I was leaking amniotic fluid for a few weeks. No leakage yet this time other than from these growths that used to be my petite B cup lovelies. Not so lovely now. TMI I know but it's my blog. Evidently I was a cow in a former life. (No comments please) I saw my MD Friday and she mentioned sending me for an ultrasound to check my fluid....until she felt my belly. Definately LOTS of fluid this time. And so we venture into the unknown. Wish we luck.

Despite the joking I've been thinking a lot lately about people I know who for one reason or another haven't been able to have kids. Though I can't say I understand how that would feel, my heart goes out to them. However, I do know what it feels like to want one thing so badly you'd give up almost anything to get it. We are all blessed in different aspects of our lives at different times of our lives and it's easy to look at others and think they have everything they want exactly when they want it. If only we could see their reality I'm sure we would think differently.

4 Year Old

Joshua turned 4 today! We went and had his picture taken at Superstore-I sort of wish the girl had been more creative but it still turned out great. Not even close to some of the photographers I know but you do get what you pay for. It seems crazy that it's only been 4 years since Josh has been with us as I can't really remember what I did before he was here. Then Joe, Josh and I went to Montana's for lunch and they sang to him and tried to put the moose ears on his head (which he would NOT allow) We got him a bike for his birthday-I figure when this baby shows up then we can go for walks and he can ride his bike while I push the baby in the stroller. At least it will encourage us to get out of the house and give me more exercise than just moving from room to room. 8 weeks to go-if this were the same timeline as Josh I'd be having this baby in 1 1/2 weeks. YIKES-no wonder we weren't ready.








I've noticed that since having Josh I'm slightly obsessed with him. I don't know if mothers with only one child are like that or if you just get obsessed with each one as they come along. Most of the pictures I take are of him and I'm rarely in pictures anymore. I love to be with him and we keep counting down the days til Mom doesn't have to get up and go to work in the morning (10!!!!) He cried on Fri morning when I left for work and it doesn't happen often but when he's upset and the longer I stay the later I am-it just sucks. I'm SO excited to go on mat leave-I hope this baby will cook at least til early July to give me time with Josh and to get this house organized.




These are my 10 favorite things about my son:




1. His hugs and kisses-he's very affectionate and has always been a cuddler

2. When he tells me he loves me

3. Watching him enjoy things-he's SO expressive and I love to watch the expressions on his face

4. His big brown eyes

5. The way he says his prayers-doesn't matter if it's to bless the food or before bed-it's the same prayer word for word and don't think you can try to tell him how to change it.

6. The way his little legs look in shorts

7. The twinkle in his eyes when he's teasing me (must get it from his Great Grandpa Bohne)

8. That he's obsessed with all things Halloween-ESPECIALLY witches

9. When he gets shy

10. His imagination

The Rescuer and more randomness

I tend to rescue. You have a problem-let me help you fix it. Let me listen to everything that's wrong with your life and we'll come up with a game plan. The problem with rescuing is it does nothing really to help the other person grow and figure their problems out on their own. They get to play out the victim role. This is one important lesson I have learned this past year-so now I say things like " How do you plan to deal with that?" and "I know you'll figure out what to do". When I'd SO rather give my two cents. Or ten cents. I'm really good at giving my ten cents-a little too good sometimes. I need to learn how to sugar coat things a bit better. I know this will help me in raising my kids and heaven knows I'll need all the help I can get. I always say to Joe that I'm an optimist but I'm a realist.
And sometimes when you're always the rescuer...it would be nice to be rescued once in a while. Sometimes it would be nice to be taken care of once in a while instead of being the one who takes care of everything. I'm sure no other woman can relate to that ;> Lately I feel like I'm the one keeping all the balls in the air- at work, at home etc. Work is CRAZY lately. I can do things really well if I only have a few things to focus on. Like if I was at home 8 hours of the day instead of at work-my house would be more organized (or so I'd like to believe). But I am and it's not and some days it's enough to drive me batty. I'm into organizing lately. STRUCTURE. I think it's from watching Jon and Kate plus 8-now that lady is organized. And slightly crazy in her type A organization. I'm sort of jealous. I just don't have time to focus on that right now-rather I choose not to. And somehow Grey's Anatomy still gets watched every week so I obviously have my priorities....
The closer I get to my maternity leave ( 1 month!!!!) the more I'm looking forward to it. At least I can stop juggling one of those balls-only to pick up about 3 more when I have a new baby in the house. I do enjoy my job but after 11 years it's time for a career change. I'd like the chance to try being a stay at home mom and all that comes with it. I feel like I'll do anything to be able to stay at home after this 2nd baby comes. Especially when they're little because when they're older they won't care as much-at least they won't admit they care. I miss Josh so much some days and I go in his room at night and just watch him sleep-wondering if we've even spent any time together that day that he'll remember. He's been getting really upset lately when he wakes up and I'm already off at work. I keep telling him that soon mommy will be able to be home every morning and he gets all excited and hugs me tight. That's one thing I love-he's such an affectionate kid. Sometimes I'll be getting ready and he'll say " You look so beautiful!" The other night as I was tucking him into bed he said " I missed you-you're my best friend. I love you sweetheart". Something about your almost 4 year old son calling you sweetheart. Sigh. It makes up for the past hellish Sunday with 2 time outs.
Speaking of Sundays. When I sit there wrestling with my son and counting the minutes until sacrament meeting is done and he's off to Primary I wonder if the women whose husbands are there really appreciate that they're THERE. Even if they're almost as annoying as the kids are, at least they're present and accounted for. One day I would like my husband to be THERE. But it's kind of the same way I wonder if really wealthy people truly appreciate their big houses. I would appreciate a big house. Actually any house that I knew I was paying into and not having to move from in the next year.
Blah blah blah. Next time I won't post at 1 am because I can't sleep. :>

20 Ways to Tell you're Grown Up

My cousin posted this on our family website and I thought it was SO TRUE. Unfortunately. Sigh.
1. Your houseplants are alive.
2. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed
3. You hear your favorite song in an elevator
4. You watch The Weather Channel
5. You don't sleep in a twin bed
6. Instead of sneaking back in the house, you're the one waiting with worry & anger
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of 'going steady' and 'breaking up'.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach
19. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
20. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

Favorites

5 things you cannot live without under $10
1. Really cute bookmarks
2. 7-11 5 cent candies
3. Ben & Jerry's Half Baked Ice Cream
4. Aveeno Lotion
5. Lip Smackers Vanilla Chapstick


5 favourite movies
1. Dirty Dancing
2. Simon Birch
3. Sommersby
4. The Notebook
5. How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days

Baby names you love(but won't use) As Joe has vetoed most of them...
Girls:
1. Reagan
2. Alexis
3. Emily
4. Ashley
5. Mikaela
Boys:
1. Matthew
2. Jacob
3. Jackson
4. Ethan
5.Tarek

5 songs you could listen to over and over:
1. No Ordinary Love-Sade
2. Crash - Dave Matthews Band
3. Godspeed-Dixie Chicks
4. You Are Loved(Don't Give Up)-Josh Groban
5. Where Would You Be-Martina McBride

5 people who influenced your life in a positive way:
1. My mother
2. My father
3. One of my best friends-Kim
4. My mother in law
5. My piano teacher-Gail

5 things that stay in your purse all the time:
1. Chapstick
2. Kleenex
3. Mac Lipglass
4. My Wallet
5. A pen

5 moments you knew changed you forever:
1. When I decided to come back to church-for good (August 1999)
2. When I went throught the temple for the first time (October 2002)
3. My wedding day (Feb 24, 2001)
4. The day Josh was born (May 24, 2004)
5. The day Joe moved back in after we'd been separated for 5 months (July 2006)

5 obsessions you have right now:
1. This Blog
2. Most of the reality shows on TV-LOL
3. Reading (this is a lifetime obsession)
4. My son (another lifetime obsession-I just LOVE him)
5.Facebook

5 places you would really love to go:
1. To Disneyland with my little family once the kids are old enough to appreciate it
2. HAWAII for like a month
3. Mexico
4. Italy
5. On a Carribean cruise

Bear with me

Finally I have an official blog that will get updated more than once every 2 years ( Joe tried to create a blog but it wasn't quite working out) I wanted a space just for me to get my thoughts out. You have been forewarned.

This is mostly pregnancy related but since that IS my life right now-it's what I'm usually thinking about. I'm now 25 weeks pregnant and just this week I've started to feel big. Like REALLY big-although evidently my uterus IS the size of a soccer ball at this point. And I'm not used to feeling big-I'm usually a pretty average size although I was 20 lbs heavier in college. It's especially noticeable when I put on my Lululemon workout pants (they don't make a maternity line as everything stretches-supposedly). You kind of look in the mirror and think-what's the point of going to the gym-I'm only going to get BIGGER the next 15 weeks! But after my weekly Biggest Loser TV addiction I went to my class Wednesday morning and felt pretty good but really tired after. Every week I watch Biggest Loser while eating junk food and it makes me want to workout. LOL. I'm not joking-it's my worst habit-snacking while watching TV. Well, maybe not my worst habit. That's why I workout-so I can eat whatever I want-because I will anyway so I try to balance it out. I am glad I haven't gained as much weight with this pregnancy as I did with Josh. I gained 35 lbs with him and only went to 33 weeks. Yikes. Only 18 lbs so far-I'm not quite sure why I haven't gained as much-it's not that I'm really doing anything different....other than running after Josh. Ahhhhhhhhh. Speaking of Josh-this picture is him at 3 months old (Aug '04)and it's one of my all time favorites. It makes me excited to meet this next little one.

I've enjoyed being pregnant much more this time than last. I've become really ZEN and that's a new thing for me. I don't know if it's because I've done this before therefore the puking breakfast up while in the middle of it doesn't phase me as much or if it's because of where I am in my life. I was on an emotional roller coaster with my first pregnancy-always mad or sad. Once you have a child you realize that the word "control" doesn't mean what it used to. I have let go of a lot. I like that saying "it is what it is". And I try to avoid the word should. Yeah-lots of things SHOULD go a certain way. But they usually just don't. Accept and move on. I've also been in a purging frenzy-anything that we're not using I don't want sitting around cluttering up my space (which will shock those of you that have ever been in my house as I usually hoard things). I don't think that technically qualifies as nesting but I've never felt this way so I'm not quite sure what to call it. I just want everything in it's place because I know once this baby comes if something hasn't had a place-it'll never get one. Maybe it's just common sense~LOL. Maybe I AM starting to work smarter not harder. Wouldn't that be a novel concept.

One last note. I want to thank those of you who have been a constant support to me over the past few years. You know who you are and I couldn't have made it through without your advice and love.