Sunday, June 20, 2010

Where do I go from here?

This past week has been one of the hardest of my life. Joe and I have decided to separate. Most of you who know our situation will not be surprised. And even though I know it's the right thing to do I just can't get it together emotionally. I'm a wreck-not sleeping well and no appetite. This isn't something I WANT to do but something I HAVE to do. For my future and the kids. And for Joe himself. I am uncertain of where this path leads but I know where the path I'm on is taking me and I'm tired of it. I just want a life filled with some sense of normal and peace. Is that so wrong? To want what it seems like everyone else takes for granted. I'm tired of living in uncertainty. I know this life has not been what Heavenly Father wanted for me but I know I've grown so much from this situation. And it has always been up to me how long it continued. It's just hard to think that I'll be doing it on my own. All I ever wanted was to be home full time with my kids and now I'm going to have to go back to work full time to support us. I guess we all want what we can't have. Grass is always greener blah blah blah. I feel fragile and get really emotional at odd times. So many things hurt to think about. Everyone I've told says they're sorry. Yeah, well. I'm sorry too.