Slow down

It's been a whirlwind of a day. There have been many of those since Josh started Kindergarten and I went back to work (only 2 days a week-how can 2 days a week make me stressed?) I feel like I don't stop. I don't stop to eat or I eat standing up, barely stop to sleep. Because who has time for those things? I have a to do list a mile long that never gets done. I'm trying to remember a time when these things didn't matter to me. I cleaned when things got dirty, sat when the house was messy, went out to play without a thought as to how it would affect the next day's schedule. It's not til the kids are in bed that I feel like I can breathe because I only have my energy to deal with-not theirs. Go go go. I just want to SLOW DOWN. Enjoy life. Do the things that matter not waste all my time on the things that don't. Click here .I want to color pictures with Josh and stack blocks with Caitie. Honor those little people in my life because they are the most precious, sweet kids. Balance is always easier to find when I get enough sleep too ;)

So today once I'd thrown in a load of laundry, changed Caitlyn's sheets, fed the kids breakfast, got them both dressed, attempted to clean the kitchen, went to the gym, packed Josh's bag for school, fed them lunch, got him off to school, got her down for a nap, I sat. I sat and read Elder Holland's article from the September Ensign. I made time for something that REALLY mattered. (It's an amazing article-go back and read it if you didn't get a chance in Sept-like I didn't) There are so many things we HAVE to do in a day that it felt good to do something I didn't have to do but should do. In Sunday School, our teacher mentioned that the Ensign was modern revalation for our time and we should keep it by our bedside with our scriptures to refer to. Especially the conference issue-to keep it there until the next conference 6 months down the road. I'd never really thought about the Ensign that way before. Last November I read the conference issue cover to cover and it was amazing-first time I'd done that. I'm going to do that again when it comes this time. I love to read and I read quite quickly so it's very relaxing to me. It seems like there is always an article that I come across at just the right time to help me with something I've been struggling with-even if I've already glanced through the Ensign before-something new will often stand out.


Then tonight we had Family Home Evening. Which lasted all of 5 minutes due to 2 small kids but we did it. I tend to be super type A in that I have an idea in my head of how things should go and if they aren't living up to that ideal than I just don't do them. Heaven forbid it should be less than perfect. Sheesh. However, I'm really trying to focus on the things that matter so I grabbed the Friend and found an article about temples. We talked about the temple because Joe and I were sealed together for eternity on October 19, 2002-7 years ago today. He didn't remember that but I always do. I hope my children will value the sacredness of the temple as I do. I love the temple and can't wait til we get a temple here in Calgary.


And I slowed down enough to sit here and get my feelings out so I could be a calmer Mommy. Stuck on relaxing music and just typed. I met a lot of my goals today and I think if I can just DO instead of thinking about doing-we can have more days focused on the things that matter in the long run.

Bits and Pieces

Now that it's October I feel like fall is officially here. September is always such a crazy month with kids back in school-it sort of feels like that should be the beginning of the year instead of January. It was a new beginning for our family this year with Joshua starting Kindergarten. He is attending a bilingual Spanish school where 30% of their studies are taught in Spanish. This is him before we left to take him on his very first day. It's the first time I've left him with someone where I don't know anything about them, other than their name, and it was a bit scary at first. Josh has already been teaching us some Spanish words and I can't believe how much he has learned in such a short time. Ever since he started school though he thinks everything is "awesome". He must say it at least 10 times a day. The only thing he doesn't like about school is how much it cuts into his time outside playing with his friends. It'll be interesting when he has to be there all day next year! Funny Josh statement of late "That mountain is bigger than my appetite". Where do they come up with this stuff?

















First day on the school bus

I find with me being back to work 2 days a week I feel like I'm in constant motion. There is always something that needs my attention. And if I do choose to stop for a bit than things pile up twice as fast. I don't know if that's just typical of a mom with 2 very active children or if the ratio of cleaners to mess makers (1:4) in our house just means there will be more demands on my time for a looooooong time to come. I really don't like how it makes me feel. I feel like I'm just keeping up with the basics and the things I'd really like to be focusing on are falling by the wayside. For example, I can't remember the last time I took the kids to the park. My dad said the other day "Do you prioritize the things you have to do?" Ummm-yeah-basic kid needs come first followed immediately by household needs and husband needs are after that. My needs get addressed once everyone is in bed or occupied on the computer (ie.Joe). Soooo any tips from bloggerville on how you keep life in balance with work, family etc would be greatly appreciated!!
Here's Miss Cate (Age-14 1/2 mths)after her cousin's baby blessing this past Sunday. She seems to always have bruises or cuts on her face from running faster than her little feet can keep up and crashing into things. (hmmm maybe she gets that constant forward motion from me?) She is saying more and more words as the days go by and she loves to organize things into little groups (both my kids have severe Type A tendancies already) and stack blocks etc. It makes me miss the baby stage a bit but not enough to add another kidlet to the craziness yet. (sorry Launey) I just adore her.

Sorry for the bits and pieces but it's all I've got tonight. We have a little plaque on our mantel that says " We may not have it all together but together we have it all". That pretty much sums it up for this past month ;>

Summer Update

I know I know-it's been a long time since I blogged. I just deleted 2 posts I'd started-one back in June and one from July. Started but not finished and now they are a bit redundant so here's to hoping I get this one finished!
We have had an eventful few months. Josh graduated from preschool in June and Mom, Leah and Joey were all able to come for the ceremony.

He starts kindergarten on Thursday and we're counting down the days til he gets to go. I'm a bit apprehensive because he has to take the bus and he seems so little for that. I worry that he will run across the road and get hit by an oncoming car as he doesn't really think much before he explodes into action. Must get that from his dad. Or it could just be the age. At any rate, Bubba (Graham) gave him a grandfather's blessing to start the school year and mentioned the whole safety/bus issue so I feel a bit better now. He seems like he's gotten so much taller this summer and he's definately ready for more to keep him busy than this mother can provide!

I went back to work in July just 2 days a week-Tues/Wed. It's a nice balance but if I had my choice, I'd be home full time, especially with Josh in PM kindergarten. Patients say to me "oh that's a nice balance and then you get adult conversation" etc etc. I just think-yeah and I get to drag my 2 kids out of bed one morning a week at 6:30 am to get us all where we need to be on time. It's IS good for me though because I really appreciate when I AM home with them. And truth be told, having a half hour lunch break (the days I actually get it) ,with no interruptions, is a treat. Just to sit and read in peace with only myself to worry about. I'm big on reading (which means I'm a TRUE Spackman underneath all the expressiveness). Our goal as a family is to get me at home full time but this fills in til then. It's nothing compared to working full time let me tell you. (I went back 4 days a week when Josh was 10 months old) Looking back at this past year, I can see that it everything happened for a reason and that reason was so that I COULD stay home as much as I'm able to now. If certain things hadn't gone through, I wouldn't have had the choice and would have had to work full time. So I'm very grateful for that.

Here's Caitlyn at her first birthday party on July 14th! Blame my crazy mother for the wild hat (which I loved). We had most of the immediate family there which is getting to be quite a crew. Launey made Caitlyn a GIANT cupcake for her birthday cake. Those of you who know me well know that cooking/baking is not the area that I find I want to spend my *ahem* best efforts. Mostly because my best efforts tend to look like someone else's just didn't give a darn. So Auntie made the wonderful cake (my slightly wild hat goes off to her) Caitlyn seemed to have a great time and everyone left stuffed and with ears ringing from all the little ones.

The weeked after Caitlyn's birthday party we were off to Summerland, B.C. to "camp" ( a term loosely used in this case) for a week. Flushing toilets and electricity are always my idea of roughing it and this year we were able to rent a fifth wheel to stay in that had AIR CONDITIONING. Another plus being the whole campground was blissfully unaware when said 1 year old wouldn't stop screaming. Didn't happen often but often enough to be worth the money we forked out for the luxury. Ususally I find my time in Summerland to be slightly surreal and calming but this time I didn't have as relaxing a time either because a) I'm not working more than 2 days a week which means I'm not as frazzled as I have been in the past by the time we get out there, b) vacations with anyone under the age of 3 years of age are not true vacations for the parent EVER , c) Joe had to come home for work for a few of the days we were out there so I was on alert most of the time with one or both kids or d) we only had 1 week instead of 2 weeks out there. Regardless, we came home tanned and wishing we had more time out there (again something we say every year). We're booked for 2 weeks next year and already have our trailer booked. Anyone that wants to join us is welcome!

This is how the rest of our summer was spent:

• spray park at Prairie winds



• Calaway Park



• Calgary Zoo



• Sea Dooing at Sylvan lake with family from out of town



• hanging in the backyard with our "pool"

I have loved being able to spend so much time with the kids and Joe this summer. Summer is my favorite time of year. I'd love to move somewhere where flip flops are worn year round and winter jackets are a thing of the past. Maybe one day.

I have decided to recommit myself spiritually. Not that I've been doing anything that would put me on the naughty list but that I have been apathetic about my spiritual growth. My family cannot afford for me to be apathetic about my spiritual growth right now and I know it's Satan's way of trying to wear me down and wear me out so that I'm not where I need to be when things happen. Thursday I was able to attend the temple with my mom and my best friend for the first time since I've had Caitlyn. I know I need to get there more often.

So here's to August resolutions of being smarter about how my time is being spent and focusing on the things that matter. Hope your summers were spent in ways that make you happy and I can't wait for new beginnings for fall!!!

Humbled

I was introduced to the NieNie blog by my best friend and have been devouring it's content the past two nights (click button on my sidebar for more). This amazing woman has been to hell and back and is continuing to inspire people all over the world with her testimony of faith and motherhood. She is someone who I wish I knew in person but I am just grateful that I was able to read of her journey and that it reminded me that I can get through what I am going through if I stick close to my Heavenly Father. For more on that click here

NieNie is the kind of mother I would like to be but am not. I want to be more connected to my children and have FUN with them. Just enjoy them while I can and while they want to be around me. Thank goodness for wake up calls.

My beautiful son Joshua Graham is 5 years old today. This picture was taken when he was 3 months old and you can see he already had that twinkle in his eye. He was 7 weeks premature and we joke that he couldn't wait to come to earth any longer. He has an enthusiasm for life matched by few and has never been the type of kid to fall asleep in the middle of anything. To sleep he must be PUT to bed (and then KEPT there)! He is amazingly empathetic, a quality I hope he keeps throughout his life. He is quick to give hugs and quick to forgive faults. He loves to meet new people and especially loves his best friend Isabella. He continues to love all things Halloween-witches, pumpkins, skeletons, etc and will sign his name JOSHW for Joshua "witch".

His preschool teacher asked me the other day which church we went to and I told her we attended the Mormon church. She told me the reason she was asking was because one day she was writing down things that made each child special and she asked Joshua what made him special. He told her " I am a Child of God". It brought tears to my eyes that he already has that testimony in his heart. I have loved watching him grow and develop and can't wait to see what the next 5 years bring. I love you son.

Disconnected

I've been feeling blah lately. Life is a bit monotonous and I just can't get motivated. I open my eyes in the morning and listen to Caitlyn crying (because she always seems to WAKE me up instead of me already being up) and think-great-another day to get through.
And I'm not sure if it's just that this has been a long winter and now they're saying possibly snow flurries on Monday. Really. It's May people.
Or if it's that I'm still nursing but have a plan to get small child off the boob at least throughout the day so I can go back to work in a month and a half. Just have to implement this plan. Hmmm. Advice oh wise bloggers?
Or if it's the fact that I'm going back to work (2 days only 2 days I can do 2 days) in a month and a half and someone else (my MIL) will get to experience my children and take care of their needs when I want to be the one doing it.
Though sometimes I don't.
Or that my hormones are on the rampage from above mentioned small child.
Or that I am well versed in the concept of the run on sentence. Sorry.
SERIOUSLY. NEED. PEACE.
Or possibly just to get out of the house a bit more. Who knows. Not me obviously. But because of all the changes that seem to be looming on the horizon I'm trying not to freak out. Trying to maintain some semblance of order around this crazy house so that even if the inside of me is in turmoil at least my environment can be calming.
I want to feel some sort of passion and excitement for something but don't. Which is why my son's birthday party is going to be LOW KEY. Again. For some reason I freeze when it comes to planning things. Queen procrastinator. I think that's what they'll put on my tombstone. I admire those who have cute kids parties but somehow eliminate myself from that category on purpose. Why can't I just get it together already. ARGH! I'm hoping that venting will help and that someone out there in bloggerland will have some advice for me that helps me get back in the race. Cuz let me tell you people-it's a bit boring sitting on the sidelines.

Countdown

Hello fabulous people. I know you're thrilled to hear from me ;> I was talking about my maternity leave ending the other day and counted the weeks left. 7 to go. Only 7. That's okay-I can handle it. I just sort of thought that day would never come. It was always far in the future. I'm a bit excited and I'm only going back 2 days a week soooo it will be fine. I'm one of those freaky people who are more productive the more they have to do so hooray for that. Less of a cheer for having to wake up to an alarm again. Blech. Hooray for scheduled lunch breaks and witty comments from Launey (which I HAVE missed)!

I read other people's blogs and wish I were as clever as them but I'm just me. It's not like I'm forcing you to read the details of my mostly mundane life, right? I had a great Mother's Day weekend. Lots of family which I love. It was the first Mother's Day I could say I have a daughter. I love that little girl.

Joe and I took the kids to the zoo on Monday and we all had a great time. Finally the weather was nice enough to actually be able to enjoy being outside.

Koala Caitlyn

Koala Josh

Here's to making the most of these last few weeks.

Wedding Memories

1) What was your wedding date? February 24, 2001
2) How long from "I will" to "I Do" 5 months-I think. I can't remember if we got engaged in Sept or Oct.
3) Where were you married? The Institute (Not for crazy people-that came later ;> )
4) What were your wedding colours? Periwinkle and Silver
5) Who was in your wedding party? I had 2 close friends (that ironically I don't speak to now)and Joe had Mike Bourne and Rob O'Bray
6) Honestly, could your bridesmaids REALLY have worn the dress again? No
7) Did you LOVE your gown? Would you choose the same gown again? I LOVED my gown but would probably pick something different if I got married today. I still like the basic style but would go with something more elegant.
8) Flowers: Real or Silk? Real-my mom picked them out and they were gorgeous.
9) Reception: Full meal or Calling reception? Full meal after the ceremony and calling reception later that night
10) Dance or no dance? I think some dancing occured but we split fairly quickly afterwards
11) What would you have done differently? The wedding we had worked for us at the time but I would have preferred to have gotten married in the temple. Something a bit simpler maybe.
12) Any disasters? I didn't book enough time for hair and makeup before the ceremony started and there was a blizzard so we ended up starting about a half hour late.
13) Best Gift you received? Cash. I'm not the most sentimental person. My grandparents gave us a vaccum. Honestly-I can't remember anything that stands out especially.
14) Strangest gift you received? No comment
15) Most Memorable moment that day? My father in law giving me a hug after the ceremony and getting all teary. Those who know my husband well will know why. Also my dad leaning in the car window as we were about to drive off to our hotel that evening and telling Joe to take care of his little girl. Aww. I AM his only daughter.
Now feel free to post pictures for any or ALL of the questions, but post your favorite picture from your wedding at least!I don't care if you are married, separated, divorced, whatever! Join in!
Just to add a bit more-The older I get the more I realize how much I took for granted with how smoothly my wedding day went and all that was involved. I have to say a special public thank you to my mother who spent SO much time planning and shopping for my wedding while my family had just gone through a house fire November of 2000 and were in a rental home. She made it a beautiful day with every last detail just right for me. Thanks Mom. You're amazing and I love you.