Saturday, September 27, 2008

Heartbroken


These are my 2 beautiful children at their very best. Laying still and being quiet. So why am I heartbroken? Because this week when they were just kids being kids-well mostly Josh being Josh-I did A LOT of yelling and time out threatening. A lot. I let my frustration at things not having to do with the kids and my self imposed sleep deprivation get the best of me. So tonight after the amazing Relief Society broadcast I came home and just cried at how I'd been treating them-well-mostly Josh. You think when you have kids that you'll always be SO patient and kind and Christ-like and then feel like such a complete failure as a mother when you're not. So I got down on my knees and asked my Father's forgiveness. Then I went and knelt down by my son's bed and quietly asked his while he slept. And it's not that I haven't apologized to him numerous times this week after I've yelled. But really. Does that make much difference after the fact when I continue to behave the same way. Isn't there a little thing called restitution? I know what you are all going to post-that we all have our days and no one is perfect and I get that. But I'm still the adult and the ONE place that my children NEED to feel that they can always be safe should be our home no matter what else is swirling in the air around us. So I am recommitting to being patient and loving and what I need from you in bloggerville is ways that you deal with your children when you are tired and frustrated. I'm finding it challenging to balance Josh's need for my time with the pile of things I need to get done in a day. Please leave me your ideas and say a little prayer for me that I can continue to improve in this area and not break their little hearts with my actions.

6 comments:

Lynn said...

TOTAL *hugs* Erica. I can SO relate to this post.
I tend to give myself a time out when I have days like that. When its more of my problem with something than what the kids are doing.
Yes, I know....giving yourself a time out is REALLY hard to do, when your little ones are SO little and you can't leave them to go do your time out. But, get Josh involved. Have him know that its okay for him to tell mommy that she needs a time out.
When my kids tell me that.....it's a wake up call. I am then able to more clearly think and realize what I am doing at that moment. Just a thought.
I will definitely pray for you too. Glad you asked. What are friends for. Hang in there. We are aLL in this together. Tonight's broadcast was amazing wasn't it.

Mrs. M said...

Erica, you are not alone. I have written about my own struggles HERE
,HERE, and HERE.

It helps me to have a plan that I rehearse in advance of being angry. I tell myself what coping skills I will use when I get angry, such as breathing deeply, counting to 10, singing, or praying. When I am especially tired, as a deterrent to my anger, I open up my blinds and windows so that if I lose my temper, the neighbors will see and hear me. It also helps me to have a visual reminder somewhere, like a note or a picture. I have also found that spending time with them when they are sweetest (asleep) helps me love them when they are naughty.

I have also found that getting out of the house to go for a walk or play at the park, to get us all some sunshine, makes us all feel better. I try to keep a good book on hand so the boys can play at the park and I can sit on a bench and read. It has saved us many times.

adrienne said...

Oh, Erica!! I needed to "hear" this, too! I can't believe how much you sound like how I feel! I'm going through the same things right now, (except my two "big" kids are younger than Josh, so it's really super inexcusable for me when I yell at them). I will need to read all the suggestions you get, so I don't have much advice to give. (Good suggestions so far, by the way!) I did read two really good articles in August's Ensign that help me (I need to read them again, I guess!).
http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=ec6de97864a6b110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1
http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=6b8de97864a6b110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1
(I'm not sure if that worked as a link, but otherwise I hope you can cut and paste it)
So it's not advice of my own, but it's better! Good luck! Just know that I'm truly right there with you!

Heather said...

I am THERE. And I feel it is a constant struggle and every night I have to repent. One thing that I do now (although doing this with a few week old baby was not plausible for me, so I'm not sure it's great advise) is I do yoga. Seriously, if I can release the tension in my back, it helps me release the tension in my spirit. It lasts a couple of hours, so maybe I need to do it a couple times a day! Lucy likes it too, and enjoys laying down beside me to do the stretches.

Bobbi-Jo said...

Isn't it amazing to hear how many mothers feel the same way, and experience the same thing? I know it's no excuse, but it helps to know that you're not alone, doesn't it?? Oh, Erica - I can relate so deeply. I often need to be the one with a time out, and yet my children forgive immediately. What shining examples they are to me! Children teach us about ourselves in a way that we couldn't really learn otherwise.

Keep pluggin' along, Erica. I'm pulling for ya, and I KNOW our Father in Heaven is,too. He loves you perfectly, and is willing to forgive just as quickly as our children forgive us. I know things will improve, so just know how much we love you and UNDERSTAND!

candice said...

eden is still too little and cute to get mad at...but i do occasionally get frustrated with my husband :) when i am frustrated i talk to myself before i speak out---when my thoughts are negative i try to refocus them and think about all the good things that i love about my husband. and btw, i lied, i do get flustered with eden but with her i find it a lot easier to deal with because i know she is not intentionally trying to be frustrating, she is just being a kid. i think this helps me a lot because when i think about that it is hard to be mad at her and i can deal with her on her level--which is not yelling. i totally believe in discipline, but disciplining with their best intentions in mind, not as a reaction from a frustrated mom.

no one is perfect and we all have our strengths and weaknesses. hang in there--we all love you and your little blooming family. :0