Wednesday, May 7, 2008

The Rescuer and more randomness

I tend to rescue. You have a problem-let me help you fix it. Let me listen to everything that's wrong with your life and we'll come up with a game plan. The problem with rescuing is it does nothing really to help the other person grow and figure their problems out on their own. They get to play out the victim role. This is one important lesson I have learned this past year-so now I say things like " How do you plan to deal with that?" and "I know you'll figure out what to do". When I'd SO rather give my two cents. Or ten cents. I'm really good at giving my ten cents-a little too good sometimes. I need to learn how to sugar coat things a bit better. I know this will help me in raising my kids and heaven knows I'll need all the help I can get. I always say to Joe that I'm an optimist but I'm a realist.
And sometimes when you're always the would be nice to be rescued once in a while. Sometimes it would be nice to be taken care of once in a while instead of being the one who takes care of everything. I'm sure no other woman can relate to that ;> Lately I feel like I'm the one keeping all the balls in the air- at work, at home etc. Work is CRAZY lately. I can do things really well if I only have a few things to focus on. Like if I was at home 8 hours of the day instead of at work-my house would be more organized (or so I'd like to believe). But I am and it's not and some days it's enough to drive me batty. I'm into organizing lately. STRUCTURE. I think it's from watching Jon and Kate plus 8-now that lady is organized. And slightly crazy in her type A organization. I'm sort of jealous. I just don't have time to focus on that right now-rather I choose not to. And somehow Grey's Anatomy still gets watched every week so I obviously have my priorities....
The closer I get to my maternity leave ( 1 month!!!!) the more I'm looking forward to it. At least I can stop juggling one of those balls-only to pick up about 3 more when I have a new baby in the house. I do enjoy my job but after 11 years it's time for a career change. I'd like the chance to try being a stay at home mom and all that comes with it. I feel like I'll do anything to be able to stay at home after this 2nd baby comes. Especially when they're little because when they're older they won't care as much-at least they won't admit they care. I miss Josh so much some days and I go in his room at night and just watch him sleep-wondering if we've even spent any time together that day that he'll remember. He's been getting really upset lately when he wakes up and I'm already off at work. I keep telling him that soon mommy will be able to be home every morning and he gets all excited and hugs me tight. That's one thing I love-he's such an affectionate kid. Sometimes I'll be getting ready and he'll say " You look so beautiful!" The other night as I was tucking him into bed he said " I missed you-you're my best friend. I love you sweetheart". Something about your almost 4 year old son calling you sweetheart. Sigh. It makes up for the past hellish Sunday with 2 time outs.
Speaking of Sundays. When I sit there wrestling with my son and counting the minutes until sacrament meeting is done and he's off to Primary I wonder if the women whose husbands are there really appreciate that they're THERE. Even if they're almost as annoying as the kids are, at least they're present and accounted for. One day I would like my husband to be THERE. But it's kind of the same way I wonder if really wealthy people truly appreciate their big houses. I would appreciate a big house. Actually any house that I knew I was paying into and not having to move from in the next year.
Blah blah blah. Next time I won't post at 1 am because I can't sleep. :>

1 comment:

Mandy said...

Erica, Erica, I can't wait to come up and see you! You know you can always give me your 100 cents because clearly some of us have had different life experiences and can share with others what we've learned from them. You ARE a really great listener, but it's also takes some learning to be the talker. I'm the same way. I like to help other people with their problems but there's only a few that I trust enough to share my feelings with and know that I won't get shot down or made fun of. One day, I know, you'll get your chance to be the stay at home Mom and have your husband there at church with you. Planting that seed is not enough. It can take years and years to continue sowing and reaping it. YOu just have to be persistant and have the faith that it will come. Just like us having a house. I just have to have the faith that one day, we'll have a house of our own. Sometimes when we work (and I have learned this as of recently), we have to really make a huge effort to be spending quality time with our children. Not just feeding them and doing the basics. I believe a good or even great mother makes that effort, even though she's just worked long hours, to make the time spent with her child quality time and not just time watching a movie know what I mean? It's so hard. I hate HATE not being able to put Tanner to bed every night like before, but when I do get that chance, I make it really really worth our while. I linger with him, I read to him longer than before, I cuddle with him, I tell him how special he is. I'm sure you do that wtih Josh, but you get the idea.
Church is really hard. I know that it is for you. I have some ideas, but I'll tell you them when I see you. You're doing a great job and I KNOW you are doing the best with what you have been given. You are a really great person and have so much to offer. You just have to remember that it's okay to take time for yourself and not take the burden of other peoples problems upon you. The Lord already carried that burden so that we could be made lighter. Okay, I'll talk to you soon. I miss you and love you lots.