Sunday, August 29, 2010

Choice

Josh and I at the Calgary Zoo-Aug 2010

Photo courtesy of Josh-don't mind my no makeup just going to the park with the kids and didn't think I'd be getting my pic taken but Caitlyn looks too adorable not to post this.


Spray park at Summerland




This is how we found them sleeping in the tent the first night out. So we let them sleep together evey night after that the whole week. SO cute. Took them a good hour to settle most nights.

This is the view along the path I run at Summerland. It is my new screensaver to remind my to be calm. I have been angry about certain people not being sensitive to my needs on and off for the past week. (which has been everyone at certain times and no one at others-I'm hypersensitive right now). I haven't been in the best place emotionally and was focusing on what others were or weren't doing for me or to me or with me. I'm not a let it go kind of gal. I'm a let's confront all the emotions we're feeling and talk about them til someone is crying or yelling so it's all laid out on the table. (When I took my anger management course after Josh was born, I learned that my personality type has to learn to AVOID-pick my battles-not pick to battle every time.)
Then I was sitting at the table at dinner today and decided I was just going to let it go. Not talk to the people I wanted to confront. Not worry or be mad about what I couldn't control but choose to control what I can. Keep my power by choosing to be positive and not stressing about what is so totally wrong with this whole situation or who isn't helping me the way I want them to. Because the reality is that it's really no one's job to make this okay for me. I have to make things okay for myself. Plus, as my sister-in-law pointed out-if I feel like I'm doing it alone, it just proves that I AM strong enough to do it. I'm not giving up. Not on my kids, not on my life, not on me. I AM STRONG. For all the things that I wasn't able to choose these past few years, I can choose this. I choose peace. I looked out my kitchen window and saw a rainbow which I took as God's approval at me letting it go. Choosing differently. That's big for me. This whole thing is big for me. Fingers crossed and one day at a time we'll all come through it somehow.

10 comments:

Michelle said...

That is great that you have been able to come to that point. When I was getting divorced, I wasted so much - too much - of my time being angry and re-hashing every moment of all the bad stuff trying to make sense of it. There came a point where I had to stop dwelling on being angry...stop trying to figure out and live my life for me and my kids. Life became much easier after I let all that go. I hope this point that you've reached gives you some peace. You are stronger than you think! Hang in there =)

DeeMomof6 said...

Hey there Girl! First I love the pictures! Can't believe how big the kids are getting. I really miss seeing the family every year. You are in my prayers and I kinda understand how you feel in needing to choose not to be angry anymore it brings so much peace. Mind you it hurts sometimes when you bite your tongue because it is just not worth it. It's not the easier route but things will get better this way. Love you guys and hugs from over here to over there.

M said...

Great pics!

You are one of the strongest women I know. This may be hard, and I know I dont understand exactly how hard it is, but anyhting I can do to help. Im always here.

Luv ya!

Jewels said...

**hugs hugs**

you seemed so "at peace" today. I'm amazed at how calm you are able to be with everything else that's going on.

I read somewhere that when we dwell on negative feelings, when we let ourselves be angry, and ACT angry, that we are PRACTICING being angry, which is easier than practicing being peaceful and peacemakers.

Good choices, you ARE strong.

i love you. i'm so glad that i get to have you as a SIL. and you have amazing kids :)

misssrobin said...

Darling kids. It looks like you all had a great time.

Healing is somewhat selfish of necessity. You have to focus on yourself and your needs. It's self care. And it's not bad. Sometimes we go too far, but eventually you'll realize it and pull it back around. It's completely normal.

You're redefining who you are and what your life is. You have to pay a lot of attention to yourself in order to do that.

It sounds like you are doing great. Keep believing in yourself.

Lynn said...

Love the pics. The kids are growing up so fast. And I was going to say the same thing as Jewels...

You seemed to much at ease (maybe even a little at peace) yesterday when I saw you. I hope you didn't mind me giving you a hug. Just felt I had to. I saw a strong woman and felt I needed to share a hug that said, "You go girl!". ; D

Lynn said...

P.S. Okay....I really must edit before publishing. I meant to type "SO" much at ease. NOT "to" much at ease. That totally changed the tone of what I was saying. oops! Sorry.

Janas Bananas said...

Kids really are good for so many things, they are what keeps us going each day when sometimes we don't want to. And it helps when your kids are completley adorable!! thanx for the post.

k said...

Dear Erica,you have such wise friends! their words are so true and their love for you is too.
if I can slip my comment in amongst theirs (perhaps mine is not so wise but still full of love!)... You are such a strong light of goodness. The light of the gospel is in you, the love of the Saviour is real. Hang on to the good in your life, just hang on tight. I've learned that as we strive to keep up with the basics somehow everything else will fall into place. Somehow. Thank you for sharing so much with us - you are a hero to many. Especially to your little ones. Especially to you! ~hugs always

Nadyne said...

Love the pictures of you three. You never cease to amaze me. What a blessing you are as a daughter and as my friend. I love you soooooooooo much.