Sunday, July 11, 2010

Therapy

I want to thank you all for your amazing support from my last post. Tomorrow will be one month since I decided to separate from my husband and I have gone through every emotion in the book. Sometimes minute to minute. I heard Josh and Joe laughing when I was upstairs reading on my bed and just started crying. Josh doesn't know that these next few weeks are going to be the last that his family is together under one roof. I'm going to have Joe tell him when we're home from vacation because this isn't MY choice-I'm just reacting to Joe's endless poor unhealthy choices. So the news gets to come from his dad even though I'll be there. It's going to rock his little world and not in a good way. I'm REALLY not looking forward to that. Any advice you have to give would be appreciated. I'm not so sad about Joe and I's relationship because it hasn't been great for a very long time but I'm sad about our family relationship and how that will never be the same. We move out of our current home July 31st as neither of us can afford it by ourselves plus I need to start creating my own life without the constant memories from this house.
A therapist I saw at the beginning of the year told me that I dismiss things. Feelings, situations, bad behaviour-I just ignore it and don't let myself feel things fully because it's been too much over the years. I think I just got desensitized to getting treated poorly or crazy things going on in our house. Let me tell you-I'm feeling it all now. And I'm LETTING myself feel it. Kicked a hole in one of our (flimsy) walls one day when no one was around because I was SO angry and frustrated. Started bawling when a friend hugged me in the hall at church. Letting it all out. Hopefully that will make for a better fresh start in the future. No baggage to hold onto. Wish me luck.

12 comments:

Heather said...

I have no advice, as I have no experience, but I imagine Josh will need lots of hugs. And as for you, we'll keep you in our prayers...love ya babe.

Jewels said...

hmmm. I've even been in Josh's shoes, and at the exact same age, and I don't really feel like I have advice. Maybe don't be ambiguous, spell it out right from the start so he knows what to expect, be clear that this is not his fault (esp as it may seem like it stemmed from his bday party) and that you both love him lots, and that you'll both still be his mommy and daddy. and maybe encourage him to be a strong big brother for caity? i don't know if that's helpful or not.

*hugs*

Lynn said...

Good for you for "feeling". Although at times it may seem much better to just NOT feel.....getting through every emotion will help a lot in the long run. Really it will. Hang in there!

Hugs!!!

Tanya S. said...

I'm so sorry you're stuck going through all this. No way around, it sucks. I will continue to keep you in my prayers.

(((hugs)))

Janas Bananas said...

I have nog good advice, but you are doing a good thing. I can only say it has got to get easier and better as time goes by. I wish you the best and hope for the best out come when you tell your kids. Just have a great holiday, enjoy yourself fully. And good luck with the move, If I was there I would come help ya...Keep us posted!!

Marns said...

I'm not sure if I have any advice to give since I have no experience in this. I've seen other family members experience it and I don't know how they do it.
I have lots and lots of hugs for you though :)

Mrs. M said...

Sending hugs your way. And I'm calling the temple to get you on the prayer roll.

misssrobin said...

Blog hopping and found my way here. Glad I did.

My husband and I separated for a while. In our case it was an attempt to work things out, which we did. Even still, it was so hard.

I, too, struggle with letting too many things go. I forgive way too quickly. Others seem to think this is good, but I can see how it has set me up for being hurt over and over again.

A few things I can tell you: You are stronger than you know, especially when you let God help. Your son is resilient. No matter how much you know it's the right thing, you will mourn -- probably a lot. It's so hard to realize that the dream you had for your future family isn't what's happening. You will find stability in your life again. In yourself. You will heal. You are loved and watched over.

You can find peace again.

Mandy said...

I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I'm sorry that your life has to be so hard right now. I'm sorry that you have to feel unhappy, sad, angry, frustrated, and all those other emotions. I'm sorry that I can't be there, physically, for you. I'm sorry that I don't know what to say.

In a way, it's like when someone dies and you love them and want to be there but you're not sure what to say. I'm sorry.

As I shed tears over your situation, I know that you will be comforted by those that are close to you and that you will be encircled in the arms of Heavenly Father. I know you will. I know you will feel peace and comfort. Maybe not tomorrow or the next day, or even next month, but I know it will come.

You are so strong and I know you can get through this. It may not seem like it right now, but you can and you will. Cry, be angry, be sad, be mad, just don't let those feeling stay forever.

Enjoy your kids. Spend time with them and remember that they're as important as you are right now.

Please know that I do love you and am praying for you and if there is ANYTHING you need, please, please don't hesitate to call. Call me at 2 in the morning if you need to. You know you can. I will always be there for you.

If you're seeing a counceller, you could always ask them for advice in how to deal with Josh and what to say.

I wish more than anything for stair talk right now.

I love you. (((HUGS HUGS HUGS)))

DeeMomof6 said...

My heart goes out to you right now. I wish I was there to help you with packing and everything else. My prayers are with you and the kids and I know that Heavenly Father will give you the strength that you may feel you are lacking until you find it in yourself again.

Casey said...

Advice for telling kids about separation / divorce. Well, what worked for me is...

1. Be honest. Don't try and sugar coat things and above all, don't down play or cover things up.

2. Tell him what is 'reality' not what 'might happen'. Stick to what you know for sure. Mommy and daddy aren't going to live together. - That's a for sure from what I read. Don't confuse him with, things like over explaining that you have to be separated for a year before the paperwork can be processed and all that stuff. He doesn't need details about how the legal process works unless he asks.

3. Reassure him that it's not his fault. Let him know you love him, and his dad loves him.

4. As others have said, lots of hugs.

5. Tell him how this affects him. and how it doesn't affect him.

just my 2 cents.

k said...

I am crying for your heart and cheering for your foot! Thank you for posting so honestly and openly. I only wish for your happiness... life can be such a rollercoaster. My only advice - hang on: to your spirit, your kids, your heart. One day at a time, one minute at a time. Love you so much ~ Karen