I want to thank you all for your amazing support from my last post. Tomorrow will be one month since I decided to separate from my husband and I have gone through every emotion in the book. Sometimes minute to minute. I heard Josh and Joe laughing when I was upstairs reading on my bed and just started crying. Josh doesn't know that these next few weeks are going to be the last that his family is together under one roof. I'm going to have Joe tell him when we're home from vacation because this isn't MY choice-I'm just reacting to Joe's endless poor unhealthy choices. So the news gets to come from his dad even though I'll be there. It's going to rock his little world and not in a good way. I'm REALLY not looking forward to that. Any advice you have to give would be appreciated. I'm not so sad about Joe and I's relationship because it hasn't been great for a very long time but I'm sad about our family relationship and how that will never be the same. We move out of our current home July 31st as neither of us can afford it by ourselves plus I need to start creating my own life without the constant memories from this house.
A therapist I saw at the beginning of the year told me that I dismiss things. Feelings, situations, bad behaviour-I just ignore it and don't let myself feel things fully because it's been too much over the years. I think I just got desensitized to getting treated poorly or crazy things going on in our house. Let me tell you-I'm feeling it all now. And I'm LETTING myself feel it. Kicked a hole in one of our (flimsy) walls one day when no one was around because I was SO angry and frustrated. Started bawling when a friend hugged me in the hall at church. Letting it all out. Hopefully that will make for a better fresh start in the future. No baggage to hold onto. Wish me luck.
2 days ago