Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Grow Up Already

What age is too old to be living with your parents? And not working, eating their food, not doing anything to help around the house and not paying rent? It amazes me that society has created this generation of kids that mooch off their parents and that their parents tolerate it. It drives me ABSOLUTELY bonkers. Wouldn't we all like to be Peter Pan and never grow up and sleep til whenever we felt like getting up and be surrounded by nice things that we didn't have to sacrifice and work our butts off for. My goal as a parent is to raise adults-not have adult children taking advantage of my love for them by contributing nothing to our family or society. It's one thing to have a child come to you if they're in a bad situation and ask if they can move in for a while and set ground rules both sides can live with. It's completely another to have said child assume that they can always crash at their parents home with no regard for other family members and treat them like crap. No accountability. No accountability=no responsibility.
A woman I know has a 17 year old that has dropped out of high school, is completely addicted to drugs and sleeps til whenever she wants. And this woman says to me " What can I do about it?" What the hell do you mean what can you do about it? Don't let her back in! Tell her to get a job and move out. HELLO. My parents booted me out of the house the summer I was 17 and I lived on the streets or crashed with friends and believe me-you quickly realize that maybe living at home and following the rules isn't so bad. I get that there is no quick fix for every situation but more often than not, these kids are being completely enabled by their parents. There's a book called "The Parenting Breakthrough" that I LOVE as it guides you on how to teach children to do things for themselves. Wow. What a concept. Working for things and earning your way in life. How are things in the world going to improve when kids have this sense of entitlement?
And while I'm on this rant. I've been noticing another fabulous trend in the world. Men not being men. Not working to support their families, spending obscene amount of time on the computer and not with their kids, opting out of marriages that aren't convenient enough for them. I could go on and on about this one as well. Ironically, a lot of these men have been raised by really hardworking fathers. Grow up already. Part of being an adult and choosing to have a family is doing things when they don't happen to be convenient for you at that time. That's just life. Whatever happened to the MAN. The one who gets up in the morning and goes to a job he hates because he needs to pay the bills. Who is up through the night with sick kids? Who cherishes his spouse above all others including those in magazines and online? Where are THOSE men? If you have a man like that count yourself lucky. I'm not here to man bash and I get that there are women out there who slack in their roles as well. I just SO appreciate the get it done, motivated, kind, honest, loyal, hardworking man. That's way more attractive to me then good looks and a hard body. So for all you guys out there that are committed to fulfilling the role of a good man to the best of your ability my hat goes off to you. And for those of you out there that aren't, I challenge you to step up to the plate and be a bit better.

11 comments:

DeeMomof6 said...

I completely relate and agree with you on this. It takes very few things to get me upset and this is one of them. I can not understand how people can think that this is okay? I have also had to work hard to get to where I am and be the person I am today. And what I think is the worst excuse in the book is " it's all my parents fault" when something goes wrong. If your parents lived that way then you know how to live the other way.. I DID!! Thanks so much for posting this Erica, It's nice to know I am not the only person out here who feels that way. Now go get some sleep girl :o)

Lynn said...

GREAT POST!

This part got my total attention:
"I just SO appreciate the get it done, motivated, kind, honest, loyal, hardworking man. That's way more attractive to me then good looks and a hard body. So for all you guys out there that are committed to fulfilling the role of a good man to the best of your ability my hat goes off to you. "

I totally agree. I think it makes a man look VERY sexy. Warning.... TMI ----I am heading downstairs to give that sexy man of mine a BIG kiss. One that he deserves and I forget that he does sometimes. He's down there slaving away working in the home office. It's 12:30 am. He has two more hours to go before we close down "shop".

Thanks for the WAKE up post! Loved it. Totally agree on the adult children too. TOTALLY! I left home on my own when I was 17 too. Not because I was asked to, but because my parents had raised me to! I was SO ready to BE grown up. I had LOT'S more to learn....don't get me wrong.....but thankfully, I've never had to go back to live there. Just to visit...which by the way is NICE every time! *sigh* : D

juliette pouwer said...

AMEN! I've already had to start explaining to Logan that we don't have a lot of money so hecan't have everything he wants.
And thanks for reminding me about the great MEN I have in my life. I was raised by one, I am married to one (after some training :D) and a onderful thing to see is my brothers are also becoming MEN.

Mrs. M said...

So how do we do that? How do we raise our boys to be men? I'm trying to get my boys to understand that everyone in the family contributes, everyone has a job or chores, etc, but I confess I'm not the best at it. Any ideas?

Brad Herkimer said...

My husbands brothers are all like that. They will be in that house mooching off them til they die. It's so frustrating because Brad had no choice to move it, or get out. Which I am defiantly grateful for, but the double standard is annoying. I can't wait to say I told you so in 10 years!!!

candice said...

I think it is hard looking outside in. You don't know the situation of the parent's or child's. It is too easy to judge and name call. My brother is going through a very very nasty divorce and has moved back in with my mom so he can afford a lawyer. He is turning thirty. People from the outside may look in and think he is mooching or whatever but they really have no idea what the situation is. I agree that we are a generation of 'entitlement', i am guilty as well of feeling like 'i deserve it', and it is a problem. But all we can really do is love our own and raise them the best we can and the rest is up to them. If Eden were addicted to drugs and still at home, i would have a very very hard time kicking her out, even if it were the 'right' thing to do. These situations are generally more nuanced than they may appear. and yes, i am grateful for a responsible husband who does not (generally) shirk at responsibility, unless that responsibility includes calling anyone. :)

Erica said...

Like I said-there are certain situations that are exceptions to the rule. Kicking a CHILD out is obviously not the solution to every problem. CHILD. It's supposed ADULTS that need to be moving on with their lives and contributing to society. It's when the parents are adding to the problem by preventing their ADULT child from progressing in their own life by enabling them to avoid real life. And then people wonder why the world is the way it is....

Kent and Barb said...

Hey Erica...great post! You made me realize that I have the greatest husband and I need to count my blessings and be SO thankful for him. It is easy to focus on the negatives and not the positives...I am bad for that!

Alison said...

seriously wicked post!!! i know this one's been brewing for a while and it's perfect!! all of it - so true! and yeah - I hope all those women WITH guys who aren't like that seriously appriciate what they have :)

adrienne said...

Uh-huh!! Totally agree. You're right every situation is unique. Gosh, we've lived with both sets of parents at different times in our married life, but I think it's different. I also think that there's a problem when parents support their children who DON'T live at home. It's not much better! What's the difference when they pay for rent and a lifestyle they don't agree with?
And I know of a lot of men who shirk their responsibilities. I feel bad for their families who have to pick up the slack!! It wouldn't be easy!
I enjoyed your rant!!

B said...

Amen sista! Those men who aren't men just bug the crap out of me. I was just ranting to my husband about this last night (but not because he is one of them). I've got a friend married to a guy who is complaining he can't find a "real job." Really? They have been married for 5.5 years now, he's been going to school, one class at a time this whole time. Dead serious. No job going along with this or anything. Now he wonders why no one will hire him? Forget that we are in a recession, you haven't worked for 7.5 years. You did nothing for two years before you got married. Your entire marriage your wife has worked and not kicked your sorry butt off the couch.

But, it makes me glad I've got a mad who is a real husband, a real dad, and a bread winner so I can stay home with my kids, and that's just the start.