Thursday, September 23, 2010

Back

This picture is Josh personified. Just for fun.
Hello lovelies. I'm back. Not just back here to type random things to you but BACK. I didn't really realize I'd been gone for so long. I look at myself and think-oh yeah-THERE I am. Hooray for me. Hooray for all of you who have had my back while I waded through all the "stuff " these past years have brought to me. You rock. Some of you will make it into heaven simply based on that fact-don't worry I'll vouch for you. Now let me tell you WHY I'm back.

Last Sunday I was having a meltdown-couldn't keep it together, called Miss A (who you should really meet if you don't know her-she's amazing and has saved me thousands in therapy) who told me to PRAY. Now, I DO pray. I pray a lot. But that night I knelt down and prayed out loud and I haven't said and felt a prayer that powerful since I prayed when I chose to be active in the church again when I was 23 years old. And ever since that prayer (thanks again Miss A-gold star-see above remark about heaven) I have been feeling like things are right with the world again. And my world hasn't felt this right for years. It's blissful. I feel like anything is possible because I am willing to do what He tells me to do-to follow the plan He has in store. I have let go of the need to control it all and am content to just follow. It's nice not to lead or at least think I am leading. I am a very dominant personality and it's interesting to finally click in to being humble and teachable and open to every possibility. I feel liberated. I don't feel the need to know where all of this is going to end up because HE knows and as long as I keep doing what I can to stay in touch with Him, then He'll let ME know. Not a revelation to most of you but this is blowing my mind lately. Are things perfect? Nope. But I am learning and growing at such a rapid pace-like a veil has been lifted from my eyes. Wonder if this is what it will feel like when we get to heaven and that other veil is removed. I hope so. I wish everyone could feel this much hope who have been feeling utter despair. But that's another beautiful thing is that THEY CAN. We all can.

On another note. My mother. She's another one of those people that you just have to meet. My mother is larger than life. Her favorite word lately is fabulous-it's how she describes everything from her day to her latest purchase. My mother is the one person on this earth who has done the most for me in every aspect and continues to do more every day. She called and left a message on my answering machine the day of my birthday (which sucked this year) singing happy birthday to me in this gentle voice and I saved the message. I love it so much I want to keep it forever. If Telus automatically deletes it after 9 days or whatever I'm gonna be ticked so I keep going in and resaving it. Really cheesy, right? But I just LOVE it. And when I came home on my birthday from a LOOONNNGGGG day with my 2 kids in tow feeling so sad, I opened the door to my house and Josh gasped. Because there were helium balloons tied to my railing, purple stars glittering up my coffee table with a big bouquet of flowers, a birthday cake with the numbers 35 on it, and beautifully wrapped gifts. I burst into tears. Every gift Josh kept opening for me just made me cry harder. Because SHE KNEW that I would need that at the end of that day. She knew and she did and it was amazing. I know she is one of the people that I told Heavenly Father I'd have to have right beside me if I was going to come down to earth and do all of this. I knew I would have to have her to get me through it. And I put her through a lot when I was younger-just had to test her to see if she'd stick around-poor woman. That's one thing my mom does well-she sticks. I learned that from her. My mom is loyal. Thank you Mom for all that you do for me. I love you to pieces.

7 comments:

Stephanie said...

You are pretty blessed to have 2 ~fabulous~ people like that in your life (among many others I'm sure). Happy Belated Birthday!!

Lynn said...

*sniff* You've got be bawling real tears here. What a beautiful tribute to both your friend and your mom!!! I can only imagine how your mom feels, to hear or maybe read this from you. Every mom should have that validation from their child. You rock.

I am so happy that you are back. Sheesh! I am so totally motivated by your post today. I am getting out of this cramped office and going outside and enjoy the day with my two youngest off from school. We need to go shopping for their older brother's birthday now. Have an awesome weekend Erica! KEep on keepin on.

CASSIE said...

I loved this post...
Thanks for sharing your inner thoughts. I wish I could know those two special people as well as you do! (Happy Belated Birthday by the way!) ♥ Glad you're having better days!

Alison said...

Awh, Hun, what a pleasant surprise to find this today :) I'm sooo proud of you, and sooo happy for you!! You're DOING it!! Check out 2 Nephi 4:34 and 35 when you get a chance... Nephi... I love Nephi :) Hope you have a great weekend and hope to see you soon!! Much love...

Nadyne said...

Erica, I love you so very much and so appreciate the kind words you wrote about me. I am glad I could help make your birthday a little happy. You deserve ALL the happiness in the world. I am so blessed you chose me as your Mom. You are not only my daughter but on of my very best friends. We BOTH put each other through a lot and came out on the other side of it THERE for each other. Love always MOM

DeeMomof6 said...

I am so happy that you are finding that peace and yourself again. I am even happier that your mother is such an amazing person and knew to do such an amzing birthday gift. Hugs from over here to over there. We pray for you and the kids everyday. Your always in our hearts.

candice said...

You are a pretty amazing person Erica. Hugs to you and your mom :)