Just a little bit

I feel lately like I'm on the verge of a breakthrough. Not a breakdown. BREAKTHROUGH. I've really been trying to say prayers morning and night and read my scriptures regularly and it seems like the world makes more sense. Or maybe it's just me making more sense... Funny how when you do what you've always been taught will HELP you, it actually works. Maybe there's something to this. :>
I've also been focusing on the topic of unity. Unity in my little family, extended family, ward family, etc. I really enjoyed President Eyring's talk this past conference on unity. Especially the part about not speaking poorly of others. That's something that I haven't been great at in the past. He suggests to look for what is best in people's performance and character and focus on that rather than being critical. If we all tried to do this the world would be such a better place to live. Our world tends to focus on the worst things-the disasters, divorces, and calamaties rather than on the positive aspects of life. If 50% of marriages end in divorce that means that 50% don't.
I remember last year when my skin had really broken out for months on end and I was quite self conscious about it. I was telling my sister-in-law and she said "Nobody cares but you". Not that they don't care about me, but that even if they notice it they're not all of a sudden going to think badly of me. You may notice that 5 pound gain on the scale but no one else does. Or if they do-they just don't care. They really have more going on in their lives than to worry about you. And if they don't-they should ;> So my challenge to those of you in bloggerland is to focus on the positive about people this next week. If someone is speaking negatively-change the subject. You get the picture. UNITY.Then blog about your experiences-either here or on your own blog. It is CHRISTmas after all.
I said to Josh " When you cover up the mas in Christmas then you get Christ because Christmas is about the birth of Jesus Christ." He says " What about when you cover the t too?" So much for that lesson.
2 thoughts to end:

• Be a little kinder than necessary for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
  

• Remember that everyone you know loves something, is afraid of something, and has lost something.

A Caitalyst-if you will

The funny thing about having kids is the relationship you had with your husband before kids is never the same one once little ones enter the picture. It's not worse-just different. Ever since Caitlyn joined our family we have formed a tighter family unit. She was born at the perfect time in our lives. Now, I don't remember the last time I was alone with my husband outside our house but the fact that the man will go to the library with me and the kids speaks volumes to me. And the fact that Joe-yes Joe-will come home from the library with Season 2 of Little House on the Prairie in hand and watch it with me on the couch speaks greater volumes. To others looking in it may seem like we don't have much, but to the girl sitting on the couch with her best friend, it is more than enough. I'd rather have a million little moments that mean so much than a few big ones. Though diamond earrings and a trip to Hawaii to go through the temple would be nice one day too.....;>

Tag!

5 Placed I've Lived

• Heaven
• Provo, UT
• My parents house
• The dungeon ( 3 years!)
• Summerland, B.C. (okay not yet but I will one day)

5 Snacks I love

• Hostess cupcakes
• Pickles and cheese
• Sour skittles
• Fresh fruit
• Cool ranch Doritos

5 Jobs I've Had

• Salesgirl at Below the Belt (Remember Barb?!?)
• Nanny
• Full time Mommy (also my current and favorite one)
• Dental Assistant
• Janitor ( in college)

If I had a million dollars I would.....

• Have as many kids as I physically could and then adopt a couple more-then hire a chef and cleaning lady...
• Take all my best girlfriends on a cruise and give them all a cruise clothing allowance before we went so they could feel their best
• Have a nightly massage before bed
• Have a REALLY COZY soundproof reading room with shelves and shelves of books in the massive mansion of a house I would need for all my kids. With a door that locks.
• Somehow anonymously get envelopes of cash/gift cards to the people in my life I know really need it whether friends, family, or ward members. Someone gave us a $100 Safeway gift card anonymously once when we were first married.

5 things I love

• Being organized
• Josh's imagination
• Caitlyn's chubby cheeks
• Joey's backrubs
• My mom's examples of unconditional love and the power of change

5 people who should do this tag...

• Alison (because you need to get your mind off real life)
• Julie ( because you need to think about something other than Gabby~J/K!)
• Heather (to see if you're as practical as you seem)
• Juliette (ditto above)
• Erin (since we don't write each other letters like we did when we were little girls ;>)

Fulfilled

I know I've mentioned this in blogs before but it's something that is a constant revalation to me in my life since I've been on maternity leave. Things that used to matter to me just don't anymore. Like if my hair is perfectly done or if my butt looks ok in what I'm wearing. I don't know if it's just because I don't have the time with 2 kids or that my attitude truly has shifted over the past 5 months. I have also been debt free and living within my means for the first time since 1996 ( Long time-Shocking-I know!!) This is also adding to the whole fulfillment issue. I don't feel the need to HAVE more but to DO more. I purged my closet of all the things I don't wear and find that I feel the need to take better care of the things that are left. The less I have to clutter my life and my home, the better. Suze Orman was on Oprah and she said Debt=clutter/chaos and Savings=Order/peace or something along those lines. That completely hit the mark in my life. It's like I'm finally getting the lesson I should have been learning all these years. It's GREAT!!!! I find such fulfillment in my role right now as a stay a home wife and mother that I"M NOT SEARCHING FOR IT IN HAVING STUFF. Amazing. Don't get me wrong. Things are great. But not when they're taking the place of the things you really want in life but can't or don't have at the time. I think we live in a world where people constantly do this. I can't spend lots of time with my kids so I'll just buy them a lot of stuff and that will fix my guilt and their neediness. Nope-doesn't work.

I really enjoyed this past General Conference as well. It left me feeling empowered as a woman in my life and home no matter what the situation. It seems like the message of unity in our wards and families was focused strongly on. The ward we are in is AMAZING. Our wonderful bishop has a knack for bringing people together. I really believe that as women, we are the keys to our families lasting in these difficult times and we HAVE to be the glue that sticks our families together. We need to be better than we've been. What worked 10 years ago won't work today as Satan has beefed up his game plan. We have to fortify our homes and be a source of strength and peace for our children. My paternal grandfather passed away recently and it really struck me how committed he was to living the gospel day to day and the righteous legacy he has left to his posterity. This October has really changed my outlook on the world. I think we all need that encouragement from time to time to keep us constantly committing to improving ourselves day to day. I had been stagnant for a long time and now I'm on fire again. It's nice to feel the burn!

Speaking of burning-I'm still trying to do Tiffany's challenge of losing 10 lbs by Christmas and did a full body workout at the gym on Saturday. OUCH. Not Biggest Loser worthy but I did push myself harder than I had lately and it showed in the sore muscles the next day. Funny that I didn't think I was in shape until I wasn't. Isn't that just how it goes. Here's to dropping a few more pounds in November.

Halloween was a blast this year. It was one of my top 10 best days so far for our little family. Joey even dressed up as a vampire as he'd dropped the ball last year for Halloween and was trying hard to make up for it this year. He completely succeeded. (Like he needed to look more intimidating than he already does-there were a few freaked out little kids in the neighborhood.) It's Josh's favorite holiday and he got to dress up as a witch which he's been talking about for months now. I gutted my first pumpkin this year and Joey gave it a scary face which thrilled Josh. Caitlyn was blissfully ignorant of the whole proceedings which will not be the case next year. That Halloween candy lying around isn't helping mommy here with the weight loss. Do any of you mom's out there NOT eat your kids candy? And how do you avoid the temptation???? Do tell.

Thanks to all you who share in our triumphs and defeats and constantly support us along the way. We could navigate our way without you...but it wouldn't be the same. :>

3rd time's a charm or 3 strikes you're out?

My 3 Joys

• My family


• The gospel


• Good books

My 3 Fears

• Having to go back to work outside the home because I have to not because I want to


• Not making it to the celestial kingdom with my husband


• Sharks ( I had to get away from all the serious stuff!) We watched all the Jaws movies growing up and even when I jump into the deep end of the pool I get freaked out

My 3 Current Obsessions

• What Not To Wear-Seriously. Cracks. Me. Up. Though some days if they captured me on a secret video I would look worse then their candidates.


• Finding things to stick in my Magic Bullet


• Trying to get more than 4 hours of sleep at a time

My 3 Surprising Facts

• I LOVE to do laundry. I am the QUEEN of laundry(I need to be the queen of something.) Not enough to come to your house and do your dirty clothes so don't ask


• I want to retire in an old cottage by a lake with chipped dishes and comfy quilts and an endless supply of books. Not sure where my husband factors in to this whole scenario.


• I love to be near oceans and lakes-they calm me. Why I live in Calgary I don't know.

Beautiful Blessing Day

Here is our sweet baby girl on her blessing day. She was blessed on Sunday, September 21 by her grandfather Graham Bourne. We were lucky to have many family members and friends in attendance and I was lucky to not be too sleep deprived to enjoy the day. I was up til 1:30 am the night before organizing our house which was ironic as the luncheon we had was at my in-laws. I just felt that the more organized we were, the more I'd be able to enjoy the day. I was right. We were early for church and I didn't feel too rushed. Here is some of what was said:

• -You have chosen to come to earth at this time as one of the elect daughters of your Heavenly Father
  
• We bless you to grow in strength and understanding of the gospel.
• We bless you to be a light unto the world and a light unto those you meet as you share your understanding of your Heavenly Father
  
• Listen to your parents and those who love you (I'll remind her of this one frequently)
  

Here's one of the better pics of our family-Josh was ready to be done with pics at this point. I hadn't slept for 2 days when he was blessed so I was grateful that was NOT the case this time around. Caitlyn continues to be an angel~let's hope the trend continues for many years to come...One of my favorite things is to have all my family gathered together and I had the best day. Thanks to everyone that came to support our family on this special day.

4 Generations or Caitlyn does the hula

Great Grandparents

Auntie Launey and Caitlyn

Josh really got a kick out of "Uncle" Mike that day. Mike is really great with keeping kids entertained and they were having a fun time playing around. Tammy and Ashley are in the background. We were thrilled their family was able to attend last minute and I really miss hanging out with them. It's so much harder to get together when you have kids.

I attended my first Shade clothing party at my good friend Wendy's home a few weeks ago. Yet another person I don't see enough of. I really loved the clothes-not sure why I haven't ordered Shade before now. Probably because I don't buy things off the Internet. Literally never have. I can't wait for my order to arrive. Happy post baby bump shopping to me. Now if only I could find some pants....

We attended the Calgary Corn Maze this past Saturday and though it was FREEZING out-we all had a great time. It was their first year and I was quite impressed with everything they had set up. Unfortunately the corn wasn't as high as it had been due to an early frost combined with a windy day that snapped a lot of it off. It was actually nicer to be able to see over the corn-not so freaky Children of the Corn feeling. Josh had the most fun out of our family for sure as you can see below.

Last but not least-Caitlyn turned 3 months old today. She continues to bless our lives with joy and I finally got her to belly laugh just for me in the mirror today. Usually she's laughing at her brother. I love this time in my life to be home with my family and it's really amazing to finally feel like I'm living the life I was meant to live, not the one I have to.

We're obviously going to have to work on the hairstlying and camera angles-LOL :>

Heartbroken

These are my 2 beautiful children at their very best. Laying still and being quiet. So why am I heartbroken? Because this week when they were just kids being kids-well mostly Josh being Josh-I did A LOT of yelling and time out threatening. A lot. I let my frustration at things not having to do with the kids and my self imposed sleep deprivation get the best of me. So tonight after the amazing Relief Society broadcast I came home and just cried at how I'd been treating them-well-mostly Josh. You think when you have kids that you'll always be SO patient and kind and Christ-like and then feel like such a complete failure as a mother when you're not. So I got down on my knees and asked my Father's forgiveness. Then I went and knelt down by my son's bed and quietly asked his while he slept. And it's not that I haven't apologized to him numerous times this week after I've yelled. But really. Does that make much difference after the fact when I continue to behave the same way. Isn't there a little thing called restitution? I know what you are all going to post-that we all have our days and no one is perfect and I get that. But I'm still the adult and the ONE place that my children NEED to feel that they can always be safe should be our home no matter what else is swirling in the air around us. So I am recommitting to being patient and loving and what I need from you in bloggerville is ways that you deal with your children when you are tired and frustrated. I'm finding it challenging to balance Josh's need for my time with the pile of things I need to get done in a day. Please leave me your ideas and say a little prayer for me that I can continue to improve in this area and not break their little hearts with my actions.